29 November 2008

Magnetic Personality...

Some people are magnets. It's nothing we do per say. It's just who we are. Some of us attract wealth. Some of us attract talent, others beauty. It's that magnetic personality you hear of.

I, as it turns out, do have a magnetic personality. I, however, attract morons.

I try to dress nice. I stand up straight. I try to sound some what literate and coherent. I shower on a daily basis.

Today I was talking with a woman about a, "Two. Thousand. Year. Old. Buddha. From. India." Which I pointed out to her, explaining the rarity and value of such antiquities.

She listened to what I had to say, looks me right in the face and asks: "Are you the artist?"

I kid you not. And I said, with out hesitation: "Yes. Yes I am". She nodded and said: "You're very good."

Yes. Yes I am. I am very good at attracting morons.

MORONS!

This is my power. This is my curse!

For the love of God, how do I demagnetize?

28 November 2008

Emergancy, Emergancy...

She was in very bad shape when he brought her to me. She had been cut bad and was coming apart at the seems. He had been hiding her from us. Trying to protect her. As if we would be mad for some reason, or take her away.

We rushed her to the ER. Desperately we tried to hold her together. Stitching as fast as we could. She took more than eighteen yards of thread. Hundreds of stitches and a couple of grafts.

The scarring, I'm sad to say will be permanent. Her life span has most likely been considerably reduced, but with proper care and regular check ups, She should have a happy life.

*****

Does it hurt her Dad? She says it hurts.

No, it doesn't hurt. We used anesthetic so she wont feel a thing.

What's amneshectic?

Anesthetic. It makes her not feel things for a while. She'll be fine.

I don't know. She doesn't look so good.

I think she'll be alright.

Alright. If you say so. I'll tell her that everything will be OK.

She'll be fine.

Can I stay with her while you sew? She needs me.

I think that would be alright.

(He gave a soft sigh, and whispered) It will be ok. Daddy will make you better. (he laid a hand softly on a corner I wasn't working on and just sat there for a while)

*****


I am happy to report that She will be alright. She, is Mr. Man's blanky. I worked on her for more than an hour, trying to stitch her all back into one piece. She has been loved, almost to death.

25 November 2008

Selfish, Greedy, Asshat...Update

I talked to my friend tonight. Her boss was doing more whining about how sad things were, for him. So to make himself feel better. He bought his wife a brand new Mercedes and himself a brand new Porsche. But he was thinking about giving each of his now, unemployed, former employees, a $50 check to help them out.

Selfish, Greedy, Asshat...

Sometimes I really want to inflict bodily harm to another human being.

I don't, because that would be wrong, and I am not a violent person. Even when provoked. Violence never solves anything. But, in my mind, I would break this guys knee caps and smile, because he would totally deserve it.

Find out why at Modern Man.

24 November 2008

C'est Moi...I'm A French Book Wiener.

Pumpkin, at My French (Swiss) Window, had a give away drawing this week for a wonderful Oxford first French words book and guess who won.

Moi!

How cool is that?

I'll tell you. It's pretty darn cool.

Thank you very much Pumpkin. I can't wait to get it. Maybe I can learn some French as well as Mr. Man.

22 November 2008

Something About Cake And Eating...

Hollywood will have to wait until next season.

I was on the set of the "Ex List". I was in episodes 8 and 9. From the sounds of it, the show was canceled after they aired episode 7. I do not know this to be a fact. It is possible that the rest of the filmed episodes will be aired at a later date. Sorry Penelope. I'm not a star yet.

Filming at the studio here in San Diego has stopped for the holidays. They will start again in a few months or if they pick up another show. I plan on going back when I can.

Tomorrow is the end of my first week of the "dream job". I have to stop calling it that. I tried very hard not to wear the rose colored glasses more than a day or two. I need to see it for what it is. Right now, it is hard work. My brain hurts from all of the studying and I have found a huge flaw. Today I say Mr. Man for about twenty minutes before I left for work. He was a sleep when I got home. That stinks!

For years I was able to do my job without really thinking about it. I had the same group of artists. I dealt with the same agents, publishers and galleries. I really could do my job on auto pilot. Now, it's a different ball game. I have much to learn. Everyday I spend hours reading and studying. Giving talks and presentations to colleges and my bosses. Unlike the work I had before, this time I can't wing it. I need to know exactly what I'm talking about.

I enjoy the challenge. It's great to use the old brain pan again after years of it being dormant.

Today I felt like a complete dunce. Of course the first real person I spoke with, asked me about the Fauvist. For a second I thought I had blacked out. I went completely blank. I couldn't remember anything about it. Not one of the artists came to mind. I couldn't remember what the style was about. I couldn't even remember what the word Fauve meant. It was most embarrassing.

How could I forget Matisse and "Wild Beast"?

20 November 2008

Slowly Making Me Nuts...

So little to do, so much time.

Wait, reverse that.

The 2nd new job is a lot of fun. Hard, but fun. I haven't had to work my brain like this for years. It's a nice change of pace. I will tell you that it is still in the art world. Tomorrow I have to be part of a conference call, and they are going to quiz me. With the entire company on the call. After three days. I will find out about 2 minutes before hand what I have to tell them about. Nothing like pressure.

I think I am going to have to let the 1st job go. I can't seem to get anyone in Vista to talk to me. They don't care that we are reviewing their businesses. What a bunch of hostile dip shits. It takes for ever to get anything done. At this rate I'm making about $2 an hour. I think it might be best to focus on the job I really want, the 2nd one.

Have you ever known anyone that likes to think that they are some kind of "visionary", and the rest of the world just thinks that they're f-ing nuts? I know someone like that. Unfortunately he has been a part of our lives for far too long. Just when I think he has done the craziest thing I have ever seen, he tops himself. Amazing! And yes, he has done it again. That's another story.

The art world just gets more and more insane. It's really too bad that I love it so much. It's slowly making me nuts too. Although, in fairness, I may have had a head start to begin with.

This morning at around 3:30 am Precious and I had a conversation about money, life, jobs and our stress levels. Ya, I haven't been sleeping much. About three hours a night for the last week.

Anywho, it brought up a few very funny topics. At least they were funny in the middle of the night. We laughed and laughed.
  • People that are in debt shouldn't stress. It's the people we owe money to, that should worry.
Ya, that was a hell of a lot funnier at 3:30 am. There was more, but I'm going to keep those to myself. For Now.

So Mr. Man and I are driving along, minding our own business, when this crazy man goes whipping by. Mr. Man says, "Dad, that guy...is..a..total...douche bag."

I almost broke a rib trying not to laugh. He was right, but...I have to take the blame for that. I'm sure he heard me say that at one point or another.

He was right though. The guy was a douche bag.

My movie career has come to an end. At least for a while. The show I was filming has been canceled. They most likely won't even air the ones I was on.

Hollywood still sucks!

19 November 2008

When Did This Turn Into A Personal Journal Of Whine?

It's about 5am. I've been awake for several hours now. Can't sleep. I started my new job yesterday. Loved it. This is a lousy time for insomnia. I have a ton of things to learn. My brain hurts from reading. The last two years seem to have turned me into a veg.

On top of that I am feeling claustrophobic in my own body. I'm having sinus trouble. They swell up to where I can not breath through my nose at all. Nothing. In or out. I've tried inhalers. Sprays. Decongestants. Tubes. The pressure builds up to where it gives me migraines. I'm quite sure that if I took an ice pick, and stuck it through one of my eyes into my brain, and swirled it around, that it would feel better than it does right now. Never a shot gun around when you need one.

It's difficult to read and learn things when your head might implode.

On Monday, My in-laws came to visit. Until May. Yep. In-laws for six months. Fortunately they are pretty cool as far as in-laws go. I just need to remember that I can't roam around the house nekid. Well, I can, but, it gets awkward.


*****

I shot this guy at the Wild Animal Park last week. He doesn't usually lay around like this. The rock he's on sits at the top of their enclosure. He has a view of a huge section of the park. I am pretty sure he was watching the zebras. Or small kids, it was hard to tell.

And on a final note before I go find the ice pick, this site will be about art and or something interesting again, very soon. Really.

13 November 2008

What Is Your Issue? She Asked Like I'm Insane...

So I relate to Precious my job problems. Briefly. Via phone. While she's driving.

She comes home and I give her the details and my concerns.

I get this blank stare and then, "What?"

"You were offered both of the jobs you wanted. A really cool job that suites you and one of your dream jobs. In the same week. Boo Hoo. And the problem is?"

The problem is................. I'm scared..................You want something bad enough, and maybe you don't really expect to get it. Then when you do? Then what? I'm having serious doubts about my abilities.

"You do the jobs. You learn. You expand. You grow. You love it. Why is that a problem? It's what you wanted. You've had new jobs before. You've had new challenges before. Your entire life has been trying to get to this place. Now you're there. Shees! I thought you had real issues."

Then she smacked me up side the head and told me to get a grip.

This is why were a great together. I am such a lucky guy.

So...I am going to try and do them both. I wanted them both. So. Problem solved. We shall convene again in 30 days to re-evaluate.

Cool! I have two jobs, or, Shit! I have two jobs.

We shall see.

Holy F-ing Job Offers Bat Man!

Dear Dr. Bob,

I need help.

Ok, yesterday I went on about looking for jobs that I'm not entirely qualified for.

The first, is one of my dream jobs. (that's still all I'm going to say about it at this point) The other is a great opportunity. It should be a fun gig.

The dream job has been very slow with the interviews, the evaluations, more interviews, etc. And they should be cautious. This is not your basic retail chain store. They can't afford to have some one come in and talk a good game then fail and have to be replaced.

The other job is basically a reporter gig. I interview businesses. Write a review of said businesses. I also write articles that may or may not include info from said interviews. It's a great job if you love to write and pretty much work for yourself. Which I do.

This week I finally decided that I can't really wait any more(having been unemployed for most of this year, I need a job) so I decided to take the other job. I started this morning. Interviewing small businesses and starting my reviews. (I have not seen such hostility to a business review in my life) I'm not selling them anything. It costs them nothing. They get a review of their business on our website and in our print magazine and they may be featured in an article for both and possibly for other larger publications. What is the problem with being polite.

Well the joke is on them. The reviews get written one way or another. They can cooperate or not. But if they're jerks that throw me out before they even find out about what I want, it will not reflect kindly in their review.

So anywho...

I'm at home, sitting in the sun, having a drink, writing my reports and reviews while I work on my articles when the phone rings...

(who can see what's coming next?)

That's right. Dream Job! They call and would like to offer me a 30 day trial to see if I can walk the walk now that I have convinced them I can talk the talk. They want me to start this coming Tuesday.

To paraphrase one of my favorite bloggers, Sizzle, I am now left with, "the square root of fuck all".

The dream job is basically asking me to come work for them for a month, for a pittance, just to see if I can really do everything I told them I can do.

I would have to quit the job I just took in order to take the 30 day trial. If at the end of 30 days, it doesn't work out I'm back to square one. Unemployed and unable to go back to the job I have and would have to quit after only a few days. How rude is that?

If it does work out after 30 days, I have one of my dream jobs.

**Insert photo of me pulling my hair out in great big clumps**

12 November 2008

Give The New Guy Fluff...

I'm always the first one to tell others to jump. Life's an adventure, enjoy your ride. Sure for the most part I live by that same philosophy.

After some hard deliberation, procrastination and masterba.....what a minute. I've been thinking about things long and hard. No that doesn't sound right either.

How do I get myself into these things.

I have been trying to get myself in to a position that I'm not qualified for. About the only thing I can offer them, is an undying desire to have it. Without completely re-evaluating my goals, dreams and life's desires, I would have to say, it is one of the top two or three positions that I have ever wanted. The process has been slow and they are not really looking for help. Maybe that's why they're called "dream jobs".

At the same time I have managed to get myself in to another position that I am not qualified for. In fact I have never really given more than a passing fancy to even trying something like this as a profession.

It looks like I will start this week. I will be reviewing and writing about small business, as well as writing articles for a consumer review website and small regional magazine. (thank God I wont have to edit my own work) My territory is going to be Vista and Fallbrook Ca.

My first assignment is beauty salons and spas. (start the new guy with the fluff pieces) This should be fun.

08 November 2008

...Dizzy.

There are days...alright, months, that it is simply not possible to focus. Too many things in one place at the same time. It makes things all...wibbly wobbly. Things that have to stay there, instead of here, thanks to superstitions, karma, the fates, and an "Intellectual Property and Trade Secret Agreement".

It's making me quite...dizzy. I went out last night, and managed to come home, with out my shoes.

*****

These paintings were actually going some where...at one point...and now they may have gone beyond...
I was thinking this should be one giant wave. It's 36 x 48 inches. Little to no sky would be visible. Maybe it's still there.

*****

This one, is no where near it's vision. 18 x 24 inches. I was thinking that the black lines are thin legs, walking through blowing sand and being blown away at the same time. Eroding, if you will. The brown in the center is the back ground mountain range. I over did that part already. It needs to come out or be seriously re-done.

Above the legs are going to be robotic humanoid things. Some will have mini hot air balloons attached to them. Telephone poles and wires running across from front to back to imply some distance. A smoke stack or two. In brick.

Nope...I'm not seeing that at the moment either. It's in there...some where...over the river and through the woods to save the poor old wolf from that evil old hag and her creepy hooded grand daughter...maybe...I like the top half in blue. Right down to the brown. Oh well.

04 November 2008

A Bold New Day...But Only For Some.

Thank you America. Thank you for showing the world that we can open our minds enough to change. Or at least, want to change.

Well, a little bit anyway...

Shame on Arizona, Florida and California. (not to mention the 27 other states that already have changed the law to allow the discrimination against gays and lesbians) All three of these states have passed propositions to allow the discrimination of gays and lesbians.

"If we lose California, if they defeat the marriage amendment, I'm afraid that the culture war is over and Christians have lost," said Donald Wildmon, founder of the American Family Association.

In my opinion, "Christians" have lost already. I've read the Bible. I've been a regular Church goer. God made people who they are and Jesus, did not discriminate. Against anyone! For any reason!

If this is what being a "Christian" has become, I would rather be an Atheist. I will not raise my son to believe that it's alright to exclude a group of people because of who or what they may be.
Shame on all of you. How dare you tell others who they can love and marry or how they should live their lives...THEIR LIVES, not yours.

Maybe this sounds familiar: "Judge not, lest ye be judged". Or maybe you've heard this one: "Let he, who is without sin, cast the first stone".

We still have a long way to go.

Can we get here? Yes, we can!

Uncommon Sense...or...How Do You Sleep At NIght?

This is it America. The whole world is watching us today. They are wondering if we as a country have any common sense left. I wonder that myself.

Last night I spoke to someone close to me. Someone that I considered to be an intelligent person. She told me that if we allow gays to marry that next thing you know, people will want to marry dogs.

And that would cause harm to you how? Do I think it's alright to marry a dog? No. But should I tell you that you can't? No

Then she told me that gays shouldn't be allowed to marry because they can't have kids. The only reason to be married is to have kids.

Really. So any woman beyond menopause, anyone born sterile, or paralyzed or incapable of of physical child birth, should not be allowed to marry either. Which would mean that lesbians could marry, just not gay men.

No. She said, that's not the same.

Those people can't have kids. That was your criteria. The only reason to be marry is have kids.

No.

Then what's your problem?

It's wrong.

According to who? You?

God said so.

What does God have to do with the laws of the US? God said love thy neighbor. Jesus took in everyone, not just the ones he liked or agreed with. Have you heard of the "separation of Church and State? Religion has nothing to do with it. This is discrimination. All men are created equal. The rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness? Any of that ring a bell? Or is all of that alright, unless you're gay?

They already have every thing we have. Why do they need to be married.? What if some flaming gay came to a school function and Mr. Man saw him? Would you be ok with that?

What is not to be ok with? It's his life, not mine. Is he trying to have sex with Mr. Man?

No, that's not what I said. How would you explain that to him?

Explain that everyone is different? Not everyone is part of the religious right? That everyone has the GOD GIVEN right to be them selves and not be discriminated against? What's to explain? If this passes and we deny gays the same rights as the rest of us, how are you going to explain it to one of your kids if they happen to be gay?

That's different.

How? You're telling me your kids can't be gay? Or they are not allowed to be gay? If one of your daughters falls in love with another woman, are you going to look her in the eye and tell her that she is not entitled to the same rights and benefits that you had?

NO. If one of my kids is gay I will go to their wedding.

You just told me that gays should not be allowed to marry because they can't have kids, and it's wrong. They already have the same thing we have. There wont be a wedding. Not legally any way. You can't have it both ways.

Well...but...

You're still going to vote for this ban aren't you?

Well, ya, Obama is a Muslim America hater.

OH. MY. GOD. HELP. US.

02 November 2008

Did I Mention...

I have a few posts on Modern Man that I have neglected to mention.


Oct 17th - "The Root Of All Evil"

Oct 22nd - "Where Do You Get Good Directions? or "You Can't Get There From Here"

Oct 28th - "Fear And Loathing"

Oct 30th - "Stop The Hate - No On 8" *

*No matter what your personal feelings about gay and lesbian "HUMAN BEINGS", they are entitled to the exact same rights as the rest of us. Discrimination, no matter what your reasons or no matter how you justify it, is wrong.

People that think their marriages, or their religion, is at risk or will be harmed, should re-evaluate their marriages and religions, because they can't be very strong to begin with.

It's the 21st century people. Try to keep up!

How To Read Your Customer...

I went to buy stamps the other day. The lady asks me if I have a preference of designs.

What do you have?

Flags, hearts and Betty Davis.

It looks like Betty has been air brushed to remove a cigarette from her hand. No. No flags. I'm not feeling very lovey today so the hearts are out. What else do you have?

That's it. But, this one has a little guy carrying a heart, so you could pretend that you just shanked someone and ripped their heart out.

SOLD!


Oh, how I love good customer service.