26 April 2009

Been There...Done That...What?

Those that forget history are bound to repeat it.

Oh ya?

What if you do remember history, and the same shit happens again anyway?

Umm...?

It's like the whole Klingon in alternate Universes.

No. That's totally a different kind of mind wedgie. His history isn't repeating. He's going from one reality to another. It's parallel.

You're right. It's the time loop episode.

Ya. That's the one.

So, how many times you think you've been through here?

Beats me. It must be a shit load. The enterprise was stuck for what? A few months? That other ship was there for seventy five years for shit sake. Can you imaging?

I don't have too, I think it's happening to me. I'm stuck in this fucking loop. It's not even a good loop. No money, no girls, no fun. I'm stuck with you losers.

Dude, that's harsh don't you think?

Maybe. What's the difference? It's going to hit the end of the cycle and the loop will start over and we'll be having this same conversation tomorrow. What should I call you next time? Wonder what I called you last time? Or the last thousand times? This has to stop. Maybe you could get you're feet off of my table next time? No matter how many times we go through this, I don't want your feet on my table.

What ever dude. Hey? Why don't we just watch that show and see how they get out of the loop.

Umm...?

Dude? Did you smoke all of that?

Umm.....What?.....No.....What?

14 April 2009

What Dreams May Come...

It has been said that time, heals all wounds. Well, I have never really believed that. It's more like, each passing day rips the wound open and pours salt into it. Maybe time is the wound itself. Healed or not, the scar remains as a constant reminder.

1997 was the worst year of my recorded history. 2008 is second worst. It was close, but it's still only second. 2009 is shaping up to give 2008 a run for it's position.

For about a month I rambled on about dream jobs to the point that even I was tired of hearing about it. Now five months later, I see things a bit differently. I love what I do. As far as jobs go, it is a dream, but it's not what I dream about.

The universe is full of sick and twisted jokes, that I have missed the punch line for. I guess my dream is one of them. 

The thing I dream about most of all, is being a great dad. I know, I can't believe that after everything, that is what I dream about most. And now, it's my 'dream job' that's keeping me from what I really want.  

I'm now spending 50 to 60 hours a week at the gallery, and I only get to spend about 20 hours a week with my son.  To me, being great, means spending as much time with him as I can. We pay strangers to watch and spend time with him because we work. To give him a better life. To pay them, we have to work more. Working more we spend less time with him. 

So, I spent the last twenty years, working my ass off so I would have more time to spend with my wife and  now, child. Just as I was getting where I was headed, the world collapses around us and I find myself having to basically start over. Working my ass off so I can be where I was twenty years ago.

No matter how long I sit and think about it, I just don't see the humor.