What the actual fuck…?


 I remember, early on in high school, thinking to myself and my journal, that we are screwed. Ronald Reagan had just introduced his Trickle Down Theory. I knew then that this was a grift in order to steal our (the middle class and the poor’s) money and give it to the filthy rich scum that support politicians. The real rulers of the “free” world.   

But I lived in a red state. I didn’t know that at the time. Honestly I didn’t really pay much attention to the world. It seemed so large and far away from my life that it wouldn’t ever matter to me. I quickly learned the error of my ways. What happens in the US has a profound impact on the entire world.

Fast forward 50ish years.  Everything I was ever taught was a White Washed Lie. All of it. It was all a lie in order to rewrite white history and erase the horrors and atrocities perpetuated by white colonizers.   To erase the fact that white people  stole land form natives. Instead of learning something from them and working together, they murdered, raped, pillaged and plundered. Taking everything in their path, never once thinking about the consequences of their greed.

 I digress…

Now, Politicians are still trying and succeeding at stealing our money, our health care, our social security our Medicare; basically everything they can get their greedy fucking fingers on, they are going to steal, and there is nothing we can do about it. So FUCK us!

And then, somehow(people are retards) they convinced most all of us,  it’s the brown and black people that are keeping us poor. Not the handful of folks that live on mountains of money. 

Right? Isn’t that the way of Emerca. Power and excess for the rich - While the rest of the 98% struggle to survive. Literally, struggle. It’s 2025 people, and we are still taking the scraps with an “Oh thank you, this is too much for us unworthy peasants.”  So we let them take more.

Now we have the National Guard and military personnel in our streets, racially profiling everyone that isn’t white. No Due Process, No Serving the public’s best interests, mo mercy. Attaching US citizens, all while making bounties on our heads.

What. The. Actual. FUCK is going on?

Cruelty is the reason and the purpose, and the goal. Cruelty, against everyone that isn’t white.

I recently started looking into some of my families history. (quick side bar: I was unknowingly, raised to be a racist) What I found is that my family has only been in the US since 1887. That’s it. Now my family has conveniently forgotten that fact. My great grand parents were from Czechoslovakia. My great grand mother was still alive when I was born. She died in 1970.

Now much of my family are trump people. I am NOT! It breaks my heart to see them continue to vote against their own best interest, when I know that they are not mean or evil, but, merely mislead by the very people they trust to look out for their best interests. However, they believe all of the propaganda. It breaks my heart.   

My own family, that were raised by immigrants, now want other immigrants to be deported.  To be denied the very rights that they all enjoy. 

My therapist and I are happy to report that I have broken that cycle of misled anger and abuse. I can see the world and people for what they are. I left home as soon as I was able,  and I grew. I learned. I traveled and observed  others. And everywhere I have ever been,  I realized that we are all the same. We all have the same want’s and desires. A better life. 

Simple.

A few of us want more from life. More from humanity. Not just the same status quo. We’re better than that and you should be too. It’s not hard to be a better person. It takes energy to hate.


 FREE UKRAINE      FREE PALESTINE     FREE AMERICA 

                                                                         FUCK TRUMP 

                                                                ANTIFA TO THE DEATH


Pain...


 It’s been more than 35 years now. In all that time there has not been a single day that I have been pain free. Not a single day.

People love to ask how you are. How you’re feeling How are you doing. The answer is always the same, Great. Never better. You cant just tell someone that you feel like hell. That practically every inch of you hurts. There is no comfortable position to stand, or sit, or move, without being in pain.

Part of the problem is that I don’t look like I should be in pain. I don’t always act like I would be in pain. I laugh. I crack jokes. I go to work. I try to suffer in silence. I have no visible injuries, wounds, or alignments, I tell doctors that I hurt and they automatically assume I’m after drugs. I have had every joint in my body X-rayed, scanned, MRIed, CT mylogramed, photographed, monitored, measured, probed a prodded

I have also spent years in physical therapy, psychological therapy, acupuncture, massage, aroma, pharmaceutical therapy. I have yet to find a Doctor that can diagnose what ails me aside from arthritis, and severe wear and tear from enjoying and surviving my teens and twenties.

On the standard pain scale, 0-10, 




a normal, average day for me is between a 6-8. That’s on the edge of moderate, and into the severe pain range. Everyday of my life.

Capitalism and Time, the theft of human souls!

 Where does six years go? In the blink of an eye, she’s gone. I can still see myself, sitting down with my new iPad, this iPad, and writing down the first chapter of Life on The Line. The story of my time in the restaurant industry.

It’s been six years. Six, years. 

Loosing the last 18 months has been easy. Being disabled has a way of sending your life into “Groundhog Day”. 547 days ago my disability started; all but about 20 of those days have been pretty much the same day. Everyday spent in pain. Over, and over, and over…..

If not for my dogs, I would be locked in a padded facility on a farm somewhere. Talking to the voices in my mind. 

Is internal screaming a bad thing? How much screaming is normal, either internal or external? My screaming never stops. Ever. No matter what I’m doing , I can hear it. At times, it’s so loud I can’t hear people I’m talking with. At others it is like a soft buzzing. An ear worm 🐛.

The other four years? Gone. Some photos, good memories, and bad. Gone. Time spent toiling for the profit of others. Wasted. 

What are you toiling for? For whom? Is it worth your short time on this rock? 🪨 


What the actual fuck…?

 I remember, early on in high school, thinking to myself and my journal, that we are screwed. Ronald Reagan had just introduced his Trickle ...