A week in Review...

Mondays are the best! 

It's my off. Mostly mine. 7am up and getting Mr. Man ready for school, it starts at 8.

Then it's mostly mine. Except for chores. Yard, laundry, house work, wash and vacuum the car, play with the pets, dinner plans, shopping, email marketing for art/insurance/networking, a nap if can fit it in...

Schools out at 3. Home for reading, pages of home work, writing, (which usually takes most of the evening. The child has my families dawdle gene.) Start dinner, wine, Jeopardy(it's the only TV during the week) Finish home work or goof around until bed at 9. I get to stay up later cuz I'm the Dad. A little of the TV I miss by not letting Mr. Man watch it. In bed by 11 to 1am-ish.

Tuesdays start the same. Up at 7, school by 8. Then I go to J.O.B no. 1. There by nine. work till 2. I get the afternoon off.  School by 3 and pretty much the same evening as Monday.

Wednesdays and Thursdays start the same, Up at 7, school by 8, job no. by 9 - at 2, I head to J.O.B. no 2, start at 2:30 or as soon as I get there. Done by 11-11:30, home by 12- 12:30, bed by 1-1:30 ish.

Mr. Man was picked up by one of two sitters, hopefully doing his home work while there, then picked up by his Mom for their evening of home work, dinner, Jeopardy, etc.

 

Tired Yet?

Fridays and Saturdays are the same except that I get done with job no. 2 and hour or two later. So I'm done by 12 - 1am ish, home by 1 - 1:30 ish, bed by 2.

Sundays I get to sleep in a bit. Mr. Man is usually up watching Disney TV or cartoons. I have the morning off so we try to do something fun. Breakfast, beach, bike rides, football...to job no. 2 by 2:00, done by 11 - 12ish home by 12 - 1ish, bed by 2 and it's my day off again!

I love Mondays!

       Rest.....

Journeys End...

I would never have imagined in a million years.

It was going to be 83 years. That's what we said. well we missed by 70.

There have been some tough times along with all the great ones. But even as difficult as things were, I would have never imagined that someday they would come to an end.

I knew something was up when she stopped wearing her wedding ring about a year ago.
We had some rough moments. We talked about counseling but never did anything about it. We stopped touching, then stopped sleeping together, or even in the same room.

After quite awhile of utter agony, last night I laid my heart and soul out for her. I told her how I feel and that I would never give up on her no matter what. She was the love of my life.

I was told  that wasn't enough. She had our son to think about. Like that wasn't one of my concerns.
She said she wasn't going to change. It is was it is.

This morning while I sat at my desk, she came in and hugged me. Told me what a great guy I am and what a good father I am. Then kissed me on the side of the head.

And it dawned on me, that, it was the same thing she told her first husband, just a few days before she left him. Aside from the parent part.

She had given up on me and us, a long time ago. She's just been going through the motions for Mr. Man's sake. At 9 he's not quite old enough to understand what's happening.

But what's happening is that I have lost my Precious. She's not in  love with me any more.

And as much as I wish I could, I know that you can't make someone love you when they don't. No matter how much I love her, it's not enough.

Now we try to figure out what happens and how we can keep from screwing up our kids head.

I will be completely and utterly lost with out my best friend, and I will die with out my son.

How do I move on from this?

What If...by Chad Spicknall

What if...

What if, the sky was green?
What if, ceremonies meant nothing?
What if, I hadn't come that night, would you have made the slices deeper?
What if, money grew on trees, would everything be cheaper?
What if,  I had walked away when you were sad and had the blues?
What if, things had been reversed and I were in your shoes?
What if, you go ahead and something happens then?
What if, he thinks you're shallow and never speaks to you again?
What if, things hadn't gone the way they have? Would things be any better now, or would there be  different excuses?
What if, people could be happy with what they have right now?
What if, you had something truly special, and you threw all it away...
Wondering, What if?

Whatif... bys Shel Silverstein

Last night, while I lay thinking here,

some Whatifs crawled inside my ear

and pranced and partied all night long

and sang their same old Whatif song:

Whatif I'm dumb in school?

Whatif they've closed the swimming pool?

Whatif I get beat up?

Whatif there's poison in my cup?

Whatif I start to cry?

Whatif I get sick and die?

Whatif I flunk that test?

Whatif green hair grows on my chest?

Whatif nobody likes me?

Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?

Whatif I don't grow taller?

Whatif my head starts getting smaller?

Whatif the fish won't bite?

Whatif the wind tears up my kite?

Whatif they start a war?

Whatif my parents get divorced?

Whatif the bus is late?

Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?

Whatif I tear my pants?

Whatif I never learn to dance?

Everything seems well, and then

the nighttime Whatifs strike again!

Regrets...part 1

Wishing I had not painted over this one...

So Long Baseball...

He was stiff this morning. Way more than normal. He'd been sick for a week or so. He hadn't eaten for days. His name was Baseball. A White African Tree Frog. He was Mr. Mans first pet. Sure we have always had a dog or cat around, but Baseball was his. He picked it out. He named it. It lived in his room.

Today was also the day that Mr. Man went away for a few weeks to visit grand parents. Just moments before he loaded into the car I noticed Baseball. I tried to keep Mr. Man from looking too closely. He asked if we would make sure Baseball was alright while he was gone.

Of course, we said.

An hour later I was digging a hole and having a small ceremony for our Baseball in our back yard. A small turn out. Myself, the dog, the cat. They sat watching while I dug. In mourning no doubt. Or wondering if that is where they might end up someday. Or maybe wondering if I will notice when one of them digs him up.

I was always afraid of my pets dying while I was away. We thought about telling him, but it seemed an awful way to begin a summer vacation. We could tell him when he returned, but that would instill one of our fears in Mr. Man that every time he leaves home his pets will die.

Or we could try to replace Baseball with a similar African White Tree Frog and put off this entire conversation about death until a later date. I know, I know, it's coming no matter what. Every thing dies.

But...how old is old enough to break down a child's innocence?  Is the truth always the best policy?

I have been trying to remember how I took the news back when I was 8. I have always had animals around me. Always. Dogs, cats, rodents of all sorts. Even goats, chickens, horses, cows and pigs. Something was dying all the time.

At the moment I can't seem to remember much of anything about any of them dying. Except for one dog, but I was 14 then, not 8.

What's best? WWBD? What would Baseball Do?

We have a few weeks to decide.

TOTEM by Cirque du Soleil, is Coming to San Diego...

Mad William is proud to announce that we are giving away one pair of tickets  for the May 10th 8pm show.

Here's how to win:

Write a cirque themed haiku or enter a photo of you doing something Cirque-ish, and post it in the comments.

  

The best poem/photo wins!!!

Simple as that. 

And for everyone that would like to buy tickets at a 20% discount, you can purchase now at  http://tinyurl.com/MadWill20

We hope to see you at the show!

Words Fail To Express My Feelings...

My Dearest Precious,

As this day of our tenth anniversary has been approaching, I have searched the recesses of my mind looking for the perfect words. The right rhyme or meter. Anything that could accurately express what I truly feel for you. Words will never do.

I keep thinking of the day we met. I was sitting at the end of the desk looking out into the mall. You were wearing your brown paisley skirt and silky button up top, unbuttoned just enough. Brown strappy come hither pumps.

I knew instantly that you would change my life forever. I could never have imagined just how much.

If I were to live a million years I would never be able to return what you have given me. Your constant support (in more ways than one), your understanding, compassion and forgiveness. Your love and your honesty.

Even when it was hard for you to be honest and open with me, you were.

No matter what kind of asshatery I came up with, you have always been there for me.

I know I don’t always deserve you, but I spend every day trying to be the man I know I can be for you.

Everyday my affection and love for you grows. Although this isn’t the way I planned on spending our tenth anniversary, I look forward to the next 73 years of love and adventure. With never a dull moment.

Happy anniversary my love

Maybe I Get It...

How much would you give up in order to make  100K a year? 200K? 500K?

Think of what's most important to you right now. Would you give that up for the next year or five with nothing but the hope that your life might be better after that point? Once you get to that level, what do you have to give up in order to maintain it?

Can you plan for the future and give up joy and pleasure now in order to possibly have more joy and pleasure in a few years?

It's more than 75 hours a week when it comes down to it, they tell you it's only 42. The pay is crap if you figure it out like that. It's 6 days a week. No sick days, no benefits, no real perks to speak of. Commuting to a different place every day. Mangers that are only money motivated, and love to talk about how much they make. And wouldn't it be great if we made that too. Just jump through our hoops and have blind faith.

It's a life of almost solitude for 4 to 12 months. No life outside of theirs. Being available at a moments notice for everything they need you for. Team nights after works. Team BBQ's on your day off. Team get togethers on your day off. Getting flown across the country late in the evening after you works half a day so you can be in and other state on your day off to spend 10 hours with other leaders and managers to tell you that you're crap if your not all in and how much money they make, and you could make it too, if you jump through the hoops. Picking up visitors and dropping them at the office. Dealing with interviews that have no car. Interviews that don't even show up or call.

Telling you that your concerns and shortcomings are just bullshit excuses for why you're not performing up to your standard. Your reasons and self evaluations are wrong because he used to have a job he hated.

You're either "all in" and committed to giving it all up for the golden carrot hanging in your future or your nothing. You must want to be a manager/owner or you're nothing. Those are your choices. Decide right now!

Maybe I get why 9 of 10 come and go in the few days, the other 1 drops a few days later

It's Not Asking Much...Is It?

I'm trying to hire. I have a 4 to 6 month training program. At entry level they can easily make $500 to over a $1000 per week. At the end you get to work with a 80 Billion dollar a year client, in your own territory. No special education or experience required although in never hurts. I'll give almost anyone a shot.

All I ask is that you are willing to show up every day. On time. Be a good student and learn our system. (it's shorter than the pledge of allegiance)  Maintain a positive attitude. Know what a good work ethic is. BTW, it's not just showing up and standing around for 7-8 hours. You need to think of your self as an owner, not an employee. Take some responsibility.  You need to know what professionalism means and know how to act like a professional. You need to be polite and excel at customer service.

At the end of the 4 to 6 months if you have learned the system. Mastered it. Taught it to a few others that are willing to work with you. You can become one of our managers in charge of ten or more locations and start off making 80 to 120 thousand dollars a year. That is just the beginning. There are regional, national and international opportunities as well.

In the last three weeks I have gone through almost 20 people. The best of them, lasted a week. Most make it about a day and a half.

Nothing...

Life owes me nothing. Let the years

bring clouds of azure, or joy or tears;

Already a full cup I've quaffed;

Already wept and loved and laughed,

and seen, in ever-endless ways,

New beauties overwhelm the days.

Life owes me nought. No pain that waits

can steal the wealth from memory's gates;

No aftermath of anguish slow

can quench the soul fire's early glow.

I breathe, exulting, each new breath

Embracing life, ignoring death.

Life owes me nothing. One clear morn

is boon enough for being born;

and be it ninety years or ten,

no need for me to question when.

While life in mine, I'll find it good,

and greet each hour with gratitude.

author unknown