How much would you give up in order to make 100K a year? 200K? 500K?
Think of what's most important to you right now. Would you give that up for the next year or five with nothing but the hope that your life might be better after that point? Once you get to that level, what do you have to give up in order to maintain it?
Can you plan for the future and give up joy and pleasure now in order to possibly have more joy and pleasure in a few years?
It's more than 75 hours a week when it comes down to it, they tell you it's only 42. The pay is crap if you figure it out like that. It's 6 days a week. No sick days, no benefits, no real perks to speak of. Commuting to a different place every day. Mangers that are only money motivated, and love to talk about how much they make. And wouldn't it be great if we made that too. Just jump through our hoops and have blind faith.
It's a life of almost solitude for 4 to 12 months. No life outside of theirs. Being available at a moments notice for everything they need you for. Team nights after works. Team BBQ's on your day off. Team get togethers on your day off. Getting flown across the country late in the evening after you works half a day so you can be in and other state on your day off to spend 10 hours with other leaders and managers to tell you that you're crap if your not all in and how much money they make, and you could make it too, if you jump through the hoops. Picking up visitors and dropping them at the office. Dealing with interviews that have no car. Interviews that don't even show up or call.
Telling you that your concerns and shortcomings are just bullshit excuses for why you're not performing up to your standard. Your reasons and self evaluations are wrong because he used to have a job he hated.
You're either "all in" and committed to giving it all up for the golden carrot hanging in your future or your nothing. You must want to be a manager/owner or you're nothing. Those are your choices. Decide right now!
Maybe I get why 9 of 10 come and go in the few days, the other 1 drops a few days later
Showing posts with label Priorites. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Priorites. Show all posts
Moments Of Magic...
Summers never last long enough. I try to remember the joy of summers. No school, few responsibilities, almost nonstop recess. Life was endless and infinite.
With age comes the weight of the world. Commitments we have no control over. Dramas and traumas are thrown at us daily. We often forget how to fly. To let go and just be.
To look down on ourselves and observe. Is that how we really look? Is that how we really act? Are those the people and things around us that really matter? If only we had the instant replay or the do over. How wonderful would things be?
We are left to wonder what if. If only. What then.
I try to find moments. Where a simple act, caught in the moment, can mean everything. Those are the times I try to lock away in the depths of my mind to remember. To cherish in the times when there seems to be no hope or laughter left in the world.
At any given moment, the most wonderful things in the world can happen. When the universe is doing it's best to break you. When you can't see beyond the fog. You have those perfect moments in your mind. When life was grand. There is no need to remember anything else. You know in your mind that life can be magical and that it was once. And it can be again.
Morning Giggles...or, Death, By Blow Job...
As Mr. Man and I are getting ready for school, I hear him from the other room, "Dad, my hair's still soaked, I think I need a blow job this morning."
Excuse me?
"A blow job. I like getting dressed after a hot blowjob in the morning. "
Oooooo k......
"Would it be a good idea to bring the blower in the shower with us so we can blow job without getting out?"
Noooo. That kind of blow job would not be a good idea. The whole electric and water thing. Zap. Fry. Dead...
"Ok. I can wait for my blow job then."
That's a good idea, I would rather wait than die.
"What a way to go."
My thought's exactly.
Excuse me?
"A blow job. I like getting dressed after a hot blowjob in the morning. "
Oooooo k......
"Would it be a good idea to bring the blower in the shower with us so we can blow job without getting out?"
Noooo. That kind of blow job would not be a good idea. The whole electric and water thing. Zap. Fry. Dead...
"Ok. I can wait for my blow job then."
That's a good idea, I would rather wait than die.
"What a way to go."
My thought's exactly.
Change...Together...
When we first met, there was a bench in front of the gallery where we worked. We would often sit on that bench and talk. We got to know one another and became friends there.
Last week was our 8th anniversary. It seemed to me that we needed a reminder of those talks and that bench. So I got us a bench of our own for an anniversary gift. I set it in our back garden. We have spent a lot more time talking and bonding and trying to reconnect. Trying to remember what made us fall in love to begin with.
It's kind of funny how difficult it becomes to talk with someone that you have known and been with for so many years. All of the sudden we're strangers trying to get to know one another again.
*****
Last week was our 8th anniversary. It seemed to me that we needed a reminder of those talks and that bench. So I got us a bench of our own for an anniversary gift. I set it in our back garden. We have spent a lot more time talking and bonding and trying to reconnect. Trying to remember what made us fall in love to begin with.
It's kind of funny how difficult it becomes to talk with someone that you have known and been with for so many years. All of the sudden we're strangers trying to get to know one another again.
*****
Yesterday was Mr. Man's very first play. "Down on the Farm". He played a horse. I took the video camera, tested it, made sure I had a fresh disk, lens cap was off.
The play started, I hit record, the red light went on. I panned, I zoomed in and out, I moved around to get him and his friends.
Thirty minutes later I hit the record button again to stop it...and nothing happened. I tried it again. Nothing. I started to look around and figure it out...and realized I had it set to camera. Not video.
I didn't get a single second of it.
King size fail!
We were there though. He was an awesome horse! We laughed and clapped and had a great time.
The play started, I hit record, the red light went on. I panned, I zoomed in and out, I moved around to get him and his friends.
Thirty minutes later I hit the record button again to stop it...and nothing happened. I tried it again. Nothing. I started to look around and figure it out...and realized I had it set to camera. Not video.
I didn't get a single second of it.
King size fail!
We were there though. He was an awesome horse! We laughed and clapped and had a great time.
*****
For the first time in way too long, I painted something. It's crude, out of proportion, it's rough, it needs a lot more work...but it's paint on canvas and damn it felt good to spend even a few minutes in the studio.
*****
I'm looking forward to starting my new job next month. I miss the art world, no matter how screwed up it is, it suits me. I'm also looking into starting a new home base MLM business. Going to change the world. Change is a constant. At least in my life.*****
Life is full of ups and downs. It's a struggle. We don't really have a choice. We go on. In one way or another, we go on. We make the best of what we're given and work our asses off for what we think we want, trying our best to make sure we have what we need.
We will go on. We'll spend more time on our bench. We will go to all of the plays in person, just in case they don't get recorded. We will work towards the things need, and try for the things we want. Without fear. Together.
We will go on. We'll spend more time on our bench. We will go to all of the plays in person, just in case they don't get recorded. We will work towards the things need, and try for the things we want. Without fear. Together.
Something To Fear...
How many chances does a person get to do the right thing? For months, or more, I have been writing about how bad things are with Precious. How she broke my heart. How we seem to have lost one another. I went back and read my posts. I never mentioned any of the things that made me love her. I never wrote about how happy we were. I never really gave her the credit she deserved or thanked her for putting up with my frequent stupidity.
I've been blaming her for our troubles and making excuses for my behavior. As if it were justified in some way.
We spent much of the night talking. Crying.
In all the time I have been so unhappy thinking that Precious had given up on us, I never once thought to tell her how I was really feeling. When we talked, it was her talking. I tend not to say much. Even when I should. Most times my silence is taken for uncaring or indifference.
It's really just me being afraid of saying the wrong things. I'm a bit of a coward when it comes to actually sharing any real feelings. I've always been a wall builder. Keeping myself safely behind them. I didn't realize that some where I built a wall between us. I am the one that gave up on us.
When things started getting hard and our relationship was tested, I went into hiding.
It's clear to me now why she said she didn't really trust me. I wasn't trusting her. Instead of talking to my best friend about how I felt, I turned to another. I was afraid of losing the things I treasured most and I put those things at risk even farther by being a jackass.
This morning Precious gave me her wedding ring and asked to keep it some place safe.
How is it possible for me to have hurt the person I care most about? I've been a terrible partner and a horrible friend. Saying sorry doesn't even begin to cover it.
Now that I realize that I may have screwed things up beyond what we can fix, of course it's too late. I was so upset that she didn't trust me that I went ahead and destroyed any trust that may have been left. And for what?
I guess now I have some thing to really fear.
I've been blaming her for our troubles and making excuses for my behavior. As if it were justified in some way.
We spent much of the night talking. Crying.
In all the time I have been so unhappy thinking that Precious had given up on us, I never once thought to tell her how I was really feeling. When we talked, it was her talking. I tend not to say much. Even when I should. Most times my silence is taken for uncaring or indifference.
It's really just me being afraid of saying the wrong things. I'm a bit of a coward when it comes to actually sharing any real feelings. I've always been a wall builder. Keeping myself safely behind them. I didn't realize that some where I built a wall between us. I am the one that gave up on us.
When things started getting hard and our relationship was tested, I went into hiding.
It's clear to me now why she said she didn't really trust me. I wasn't trusting her. Instead of talking to my best friend about how I felt, I turned to another. I was afraid of losing the things I treasured most and I put those things at risk even farther by being a jackass.
This morning Precious gave me her wedding ring and asked to keep it some place safe.
How is it possible for me to have hurt the person I care most about? I've been a terrible partner and a horrible friend. Saying sorry doesn't even begin to cover it.
Now that I realize that I may have screwed things up beyond what we can fix, of course it's too late. I was so upset that she didn't trust me that I went ahead and destroyed any trust that may have been left. And for what?
I guess now I have some thing to really fear.
A Little Slice Of Alright...
It's midnight am I'm just getting home. Everyone is in bed sound asleep. It's a drag coming home with out being able to talk to Mr. Man or give Precious a kiss and hug, then talk about our day.
But for the first time in way to long, I'm coming home in a good mood. I'm happy and feeling good about life for the first time in a long while.
I started a new job last week. A second new job. I've gone back to cooking. I still have the first new job which I despise. Every day I'm there, a little more of me dies. It's a marketing company. Phone sales. Just thinking about it makes me cringe.
When I left the "dream job" I didn't really have the option of waiting for another dream. I needed an income so I took the marketing gig. It was a check with benefits.
Last week I was offered a job I applied for a month ago. Cooking. It's a nice place with a decent menu and a good crew. It pays better than most kitchens and best of all, I like it.
Last week they had me coming in at 9am banging out prep for the line guys at night. I did a good enough job that they wanted me on the line. Tonight was my first night shift. I like nights and it pays more.
The marketing job started at 6am. I am not a morning person. The night shift at the restaurant starts at 3pm. Much better. I get to spend my mornings with Mr. Man, take him to school, spend a couple hours doing what ever, then go to work. I've been trying to do them both but I don't see that happening for much longer.
I had a good time time tonight. It's a little hectic learning all of the plates and presentations but it was fun and I only screwed up a couple of things. I managed to sear the tips of three fingers, laid my thumb on the grill and burned the back of my hand. I love to cook.
Tomorrow I work the grill, mostly solo. Saturday I'm doing a special catering gig for our chef, off site with a couple of the servers. Should be a hoot.
On top of all of this our housing limbo has come to an end. Sort of. We have until the 18th of January to find a new place to live and move. Oh goody! Like we didn't have enough to worry about.
Why does all the shit hit the fan at the same time? I guess that way there is only one mess to clean up instead of spreading it out over time. Or I at least I hope.
I started packing up the studio today as well as a few things I haven't used in awhile. Time for a big yard sale.
We put up our Christmas tree a couple of days ago. It seemed strange knowing we would just have to take it down in a few weeks. The holidays always manage to bring havoc to my life.
I don't care this year. I'm taking it all with a smile. Tomorrow Mr. Man and I are house hunting in the morning. I'm listening to Christmas songs on the jazz station in my car. I'm thinking of friends I haven't seen for ages but am planning to.
I'm sure the future will have a few more nut shots in store for me, but I think I'm ready. I'm wearing a cup, have plenty of burn cream and carrying big sharp knives.
For tonight, for the first time in some time, it's all good.
Oh yea! Last weekend Mr. Man had his first Karate tournament and did AWESOME!
But for the first time in way to long, I'm coming home in a good mood. I'm happy and feeling good about life for the first time in a long while.
I started a new job last week. A second new job. I've gone back to cooking. I still have the first new job which I despise. Every day I'm there, a little more of me dies. It's a marketing company. Phone sales. Just thinking about it makes me cringe.
When I left the "dream job" I didn't really have the option of waiting for another dream. I needed an income so I took the marketing gig. It was a check with benefits.
Last week I was offered a job I applied for a month ago. Cooking. It's a nice place with a decent menu and a good crew. It pays better than most kitchens and best of all, I like it.
Last week they had me coming in at 9am banging out prep for the line guys at night. I did a good enough job that they wanted me on the line. Tonight was my first night shift. I like nights and it pays more.
The marketing job started at 6am. I am not a morning person. The night shift at the restaurant starts at 3pm. Much better. I get to spend my mornings with Mr. Man, take him to school, spend a couple hours doing what ever, then go to work. I've been trying to do them both but I don't see that happening for much longer.
I had a good time time tonight. It's a little hectic learning all of the plates and presentations but it was fun and I only screwed up a couple of things. I managed to sear the tips of three fingers, laid my thumb on the grill and burned the back of my hand. I love to cook.
Tomorrow I work the grill, mostly solo. Saturday I'm doing a special catering gig for our chef, off site with a couple of the servers. Should be a hoot.
On top of all of this our housing limbo has come to an end. Sort of. We have until the 18th of January to find a new place to live and move. Oh goody! Like we didn't have enough to worry about.
Why does all the shit hit the fan at the same time? I guess that way there is only one mess to clean up instead of spreading it out over time. Or I at least I hope.
I started packing up the studio today as well as a few things I haven't used in awhile. Time for a big yard sale.
We put up our Christmas tree a couple of days ago. It seemed strange knowing we would just have to take it down in a few weeks. The holidays always manage to bring havoc to my life.
I don't care this year. I'm taking it all with a smile. Tomorrow Mr. Man and I are house hunting in the morning. I'm listening to Christmas songs on the jazz station in my car. I'm thinking of friends I haven't seen for ages but am planning to.
I'm sure the future will have a few more nut shots in store for me, but I think I'm ready. I'm wearing a cup, have plenty of burn cream and carrying big sharp knives.
For tonight, for the first time in some time, it's all good.
******
Oh yea! Last weekend Mr. Man had his first Karate tournament and did AWESOME!
Story Time...
It has been brought to my attention that my posting has slowed. Thank you Christine, I'm alright.
So to speak.
Let me share a story.
A piece of paper is relatively strong and equally as fragile. It can be used over and over if it's cared for. Use a soft pencil to write and it can be erased and written on again and again before it wears out. You can fill the paper with everything important.
The paper can be used for a variety of other things besides writing and drawing, such as wrapping for other objects. It can be wadded up and used for padding or filler. You can fold it to make shapes or objects. Of course if you wad or fold, the paper will never fully recover. The wrinkles and folds will always be a part of the paper from that point on. Some will fade over time, but they're still there.
Some times the paper gets torn. You can leave the tear and work around it. You can continue the tear until you have two pieces of paper. You can tape it back together.
If you tape the paper, it can be stronger and last longer than the original paper. Of course it will never be the same. You will have to use something a little more permanent it you want to write over the tape and you might never get the writing or tape off again.
At times there are many other people that all want a piece of your paper. They get grabby and pieces of your paper might get torn off. Sometimes, you can get those pieces back. Other times, they will be lost forever. Your paper will never be quite whole again.
You can even burn your paper to provide heat or light. All be it fleeting as your paper will burn and disappear quickly. You can even use to ash to draw decorate or even fertilize or compost.
Functional but not the best use of your paper.
The only way to keep the paper safe is to file it away someplace where it will never be used. No writing drawing folding wadding ripping tearing taping losing fading ever.
Safe.
But then you have taken away every thing the paper was supposed to be. It will never see it's potential. Never see joy sorrow pain pleasure love hate ugly beauty ever.
Sad.
If you can remember what's important, and care for your paper, be firmly gentle, your paper will bring years of pleasure and fond memories until it's recycled and used again or returned to the earth to feed a future piece of paper.
Unless it's just dumped in the trash and wasted.
So What?
So I spend way too many hours talking to myself. I have come to realize(with a lot of help) that I don't always want to hear what I have to say. A person can live in fear of the unknown, or they can embrace it. I have spent my entire life, aside from a few years I lost, a lifetime ago, and recently the last few weeks, embracing the unknown.
Not quite sure why I slipped this time. Maybe it's the whole parent thing. I know that has changed me considerably. (for the better I might add)
So there it is. I refuse to live a life of fear, if even for a moment. I'm in charge here. With every new adventure there is risk, excitement and the unknown. It makes things interesting. We will have to make some big changes. C'est la vie!
As long as I stay calm and under control (for the most part) we'll be ok.
Thank you very much to everyone that commented and emailed during my episode. You are a great bunch of people.
America The Beautiful...A Rebuttal
I very seldom let a comment get to me. If someone has a different opinion than I do, great. Let's talk. Maybe I can learn something new.
Sometimes though I read or hear things that just make me wonder how humanity has survived as long as we have.
Maybe this is all me. Maybe I'm the one that is confused and deluded. If you think so, let's hear it.
Anywho...I must share what is going on at my other site, Modern Man.
For some reason I just had to respond. Tell me what you think.
Sometimes though I read or hear things that just make me wonder how humanity has survived as long as we have.
Maybe this is all me. Maybe I'm the one that is confused and deluded. If you think so, let's hear it.
Anywho...I must share what is going on at my other site, Modern Man.
For some reason I just had to respond. Tell me what you think.
Dear Dr. Bob,
A few things:
The "What's the word?" contest, was won by the lovely Penelope, She came up with "Lost". Which was the correct answer. Sorry about there being no link. Her website moved and I'm on a foreign computer that doesn't have her new address. I'll fix it later, I promise.
Anywho...Penelope is going to get one of my wine paintings for her effort. Hope she likes it.
Any and all future paintings have been put on hold. My muse is away.
I feel behind on everything. I seem to be fraying a bit at the edges. I can't even remember the last time I had anything worth writing down.
Our house guests are still with us. Enough said about that.
The dream job progresses. Still very exciting and still a bit dreamy. Precious has gone rogue and started working as an independent dealer from home. (I'm jealous) We're trying to get a patent on one of her inventions. A hideous undertaking. So much BS. We're also trying to start a pet care business. It's much more specific than that but I 'm not going to go into it now.
I get very little time with Precious and Mr. Man lately, so I'm treasuring it when ever I can.
I've gone back to lurking around the interwebs, as I very much enjoy reading about all of you and will continue to. Just don't have much to contribute right now.
See you when I see you...
MW
The "What's the word?" contest, was won by the lovely Penelope, She came up with "Lost". Which was the correct answer. Sorry about there being no link. Her website moved and I'm on a foreign computer that doesn't have her new address. I'll fix it later, I promise.
Anywho...Penelope is going to get one of my wine paintings for her effort. Hope she likes it.
Any and all future paintings have been put on hold. My muse is away.
I feel behind on everything. I seem to be fraying a bit at the edges. I can't even remember the last time I had anything worth writing down.
Our house guests are still with us. Enough said about that.
The dream job progresses. Still very exciting and still a bit dreamy. Precious has gone rogue and started working as an independent dealer from home. (I'm jealous) We're trying to get a patent on one of her inventions. A hideous undertaking. So much BS. We're also trying to start a pet care business. It's much more specific than that but I 'm not going to go into it now.
I get very little time with Precious and Mr. Man lately, so I'm treasuring it when ever I can.
I've gone back to lurking around the interwebs, as I very much enjoy reading about all of you and will continue to. Just don't have much to contribute right now.
See you when I see you...
MW
Regrets...
I am so upset with myself today that it has actually given me a migraine. Today I did something that I promised myself I would never do. Today, I put my job ahead of my son.
With our most recent move, this is the first time we have lived near other kids. Mr. Man loves having friends so close. Today he is going to his first Birthday Party. It's across the street from us and every kid in the neighborhood will be there along with their parents. Except us. Precious can't go either. Instead, the in-laws will be taking him.
He has been very excited about it. We've talked about it a couple of times. I so want to be there, and I can't. I know, there will be others, but this is the only first. The excitement of it all, will be gone next time.
No matter what kind of promises I made to him or myself, I realize that some of them, like being there for his first birthday party, will get broken. In the long run, Mr. Man will most likely never remember that I wasn't there. He probably wont remember that he was there. But I will.
I'm more than likely over reacting to all of this, but it has made me wonder about the other events in his life that I will undoubtedly miss over the years. Is this just the first of many? Where will I draw the line? Do I miss Birthday parties but go to ballgames or piano recitals?
A funny thing about having a child, is that it has made me really question many of my actions and re-evaluate my belief system. I have been through some very emotional and trying ordeals in life and never flinched, and now a five year olds Birthday party has made me feel like a failure.
Tonight when I get home, I will ask Mr. Man if he had a good time and what he did. Like most kids this age, I have a pretty good idea of what he's going to say.
We played and ate cake.
With our most recent move, this is the first time we have lived near other kids. Mr. Man loves having friends so close. Today he is going to his first Birthday Party. It's across the street from us and every kid in the neighborhood will be there along with their parents. Except us. Precious can't go either. Instead, the in-laws will be taking him.
He has been very excited about it. We've talked about it a couple of times. I so want to be there, and I can't. I know, there will be others, but this is the only first. The excitement of it all, will be gone next time.
No matter what kind of promises I made to him or myself, I realize that some of them, like being there for his first birthday party, will get broken. In the long run, Mr. Man will most likely never remember that I wasn't there. He probably wont remember that he was there. But I will.
I'm more than likely over reacting to all of this, but it has made me wonder about the other events in his life that I will undoubtedly miss over the years. Is this just the first of many? Where will I draw the line? Do I miss Birthday parties but go to ballgames or piano recitals?
A funny thing about having a child, is that it has made me really question many of my actions and re-evaluate my belief system. I have been through some very emotional and trying ordeals in life and never flinched, and now a five year olds Birthday party has made me feel like a failure.
Tonight when I get home, I will ask Mr. Man if he had a good time and what he did. Like most kids this age, I have a pretty good idea of what he's going to say.
We played and ate cake.
Some Days, Are More Difficult Than Others...
Wednesdays were the hardest days to get going. It's our Mondays. We all have Mondays and Tuesdays off. So Wednesday mornings Mr. Man doesn't want to go to school. He would rather stay with us at home. I would rather stay at home with he and Precious. I seem to be late almost every Wednesday.
Today, I just found out, all of our schedules got changed. We will no longer all have Mondays and Tuesdays off together. No more family days. I already miss spending more quality time with them and now it's getting cut back even more. Some things get less and less dreamy every day.
Sometimes we are forced into doing things we don't want to do. Maybe it was the way we were raised. It's not that those things are wrong or illegal or immoral, we were just brought up to think that you don't. But sometimes you do. So why feel bad about it? Why let it bother you? Just move on and get on with things. Right? Right!
I have realized this morning that my sense of "fair" and "just", are out of balance with the rest of the world. There is very little "fair" and things are rarely "just". At least by my definitions. Why do so many of us hold on to these beliefs as if they should be the norm? They are definitely not the norm. I'm not even sure those words should be used in the English language.
The same goes for "good intentions". There is a reason that the road to Hell is paved with them.
Maybe we just need new definitions, because the old ones seem to be misleading and overly optimistic. Naive even. Or maybe it's just me.
Multi-Update...
Blog update:
Ok, let's start with some help. I need a way to signify what's make believe and what's real. Or at least real in my mind. Apparently there is a bit of confusion about selected posts.
Most recently, Branford. Not a real person. Situation with Branford, not a real situation.
*****
Dream Job update:
No so dreamy after all. Still great, but not so dreamy. Serious struggle. Still questioning the art world from this perspective. I guess my priorities have changed. I guess I got spoiled. I miss spending so much time with Precious and Mr. Man. I miss having time off. I hate having to pay a stranger to watch him while we work. I've been hearing things around the water cooler that are making me wonder. Paranoia? Wishful thinking? Pending doom?
I can feel the North wind blowing. It might be time for an adjustment.
No so dreamy after all. Still great, but not so dreamy. Serious struggle. Still questioning the art world from this perspective. I guess my priorities have changed. I guess I got spoiled. I miss spending so much time with Precious and Mr. Man. I miss having time off. I hate having to pay a stranger to watch him while we work. I've been hearing things around the water cooler that are making me wonder. Paranoia? Wishful thinking? Pending doom?
I can feel the North wind blowing. It might be time for an adjustment.
*****
Personal update:
In laws are still living with us. Still have nothing in common with my in laws. Still have no common ground about any subject. Still hanging in there.
.......lost. Totally, lost.
In laws are still living with us. Still have nothing in common with my in laws. Still have no common ground about any subject. Still hanging in there.
*****
Artistic update:.......lost. Totally, lost.
Dumb Luck...
You grow up being told that you can do anything. That you can become anything. This is the land of opportunity, where every child can grow up to become the President.
For the longest time we believe it too. Most people spend their lives toiling away barely managing to keep their heads above water. Always thinking that tomorrow will be their day. Most are ok with this. They live their lives, blissfully unaware. They don't think about what life really is or what life should be. But what life should be and what could be are two entirely different things.
I found out later that his name was Branford. He had a life that most would see as better than average. A family, nice home and car, a decent job. Apparently life isn't what it seems to others. Branford was barely hanging on. All of his dreams and aspirations had vanished as the years went bye. He went to school, got a degree, found a good job, worked hard, had a good attitude. Always gave a little bit extra.
It's what he had been told all of his life, but no matter how hard he worked, no matter how much extra he gave, he kept falling.
He didn't ask for much from life, but he just kept falling.
That morning he went to work like every other day. It was raining. He tried to screw on a smile but there were none left. After years of smiling and faking it through the days when you have nothing extra to give, he had run out.
He stopped for a cheeseburger and soda. Drove to work where he stood in the men's room eating and pacing. Contemplating his life and where it had gone. Not at all the direction he wanted it to go. After years of believing, he had come to realize that most will always be servants. Mere peasants to work for the benefit of the few. The lucky few that just happen to be in the right place at the right time. The few that happen to know the right people or have the right connections. The few that had trust funds to fall back on.
Branford didn't know anyone. He had no connections. He had no trust fund. Occasionally he would buy a lottery ticket and then laugh at himself for paying the "poor tax". More of The Man telling us that we have a chance to get rich if we pay for their tickets. He would never be content with being a drone. He was capable of so much more. The curse of potential.
He cleaned himself up, adjusted his tie and ran his fingers through his hair. He rolled up his sleeve to expose his flesh. The needle poked a hole but only a drop of blood escaped. With a soft pressure the warmth that filled his veins began to burn. Staggering back into the wall his body slid to the floor collapsing in a heap. Briefly sobbing but not sure why, he found a smile.
He drifted away into oblivion. That's where I found him. On the floor. Broken and unwilling to continue. Branford gave up. He wanted to opt out and knew this would do it.
Who was I to interject myself into his life. This chance meeting between the two of us. I think it is the Japanese that believe you become responsible for a persons life if you save it. It crossed my mind. Do I want to be responsible for this strangers life? I'm barely responsible for my own. Who am I to say that what he's doing is wrong? I should close the door and walk away. Let his life unfold as it will.
He looked up at me with a thousand yard stare. He was almost where he wanted to be. So was it fate, karma, a divine intervention? Maybe something worse. Just plain dumb luck. But who's, his or mine? You can not make your own luck. I don't care what any one says. It was the second time I had heard that today.
I turned and started to push open the door. Instead, I reached for my cell phone. Shit. Now I'm responsible for him too.
For the longest time we believe it too. Most people spend their lives toiling away barely managing to keep their heads above water. Always thinking that tomorrow will be their day. Most are ok with this. They live their lives, blissfully unaware. They don't think about what life really is or what life should be. But what life should be and what could be are two entirely different things.
I found out later that his name was Branford. He had a life that most would see as better than average. A family, nice home and car, a decent job. Apparently life isn't what it seems to others. Branford was barely hanging on. All of his dreams and aspirations had vanished as the years went bye. He went to school, got a degree, found a good job, worked hard, had a good attitude. Always gave a little bit extra.
It's what he had been told all of his life, but no matter how hard he worked, no matter how much extra he gave, he kept falling.
He didn't ask for much from life, but he just kept falling.
That morning he went to work like every other day. It was raining. He tried to screw on a smile but there were none left. After years of smiling and faking it through the days when you have nothing extra to give, he had run out.
He stopped for a cheeseburger and soda. Drove to work where he stood in the men's room eating and pacing. Contemplating his life and where it had gone. Not at all the direction he wanted it to go. After years of believing, he had come to realize that most will always be servants. Mere peasants to work for the benefit of the few. The lucky few that just happen to be in the right place at the right time. The few that happen to know the right people or have the right connections. The few that had trust funds to fall back on.
Branford didn't know anyone. He had no connections. He had no trust fund. Occasionally he would buy a lottery ticket and then laugh at himself for paying the "poor tax". More of The Man telling us that we have a chance to get rich if we pay for their tickets. He would never be content with being a drone. He was capable of so much more. The curse of potential.
He cleaned himself up, adjusted his tie and ran his fingers through his hair. He rolled up his sleeve to expose his flesh. The needle poked a hole but only a drop of blood escaped. With a soft pressure the warmth that filled his veins began to burn. Staggering back into the wall his body slid to the floor collapsing in a heap. Briefly sobbing but not sure why, he found a smile.
He drifted away into oblivion. That's where I found him. On the floor. Broken and unwilling to continue. Branford gave up. He wanted to opt out and knew this would do it.
Who was I to interject myself into his life. This chance meeting between the two of us. I think it is the Japanese that believe you become responsible for a persons life if you save it. It crossed my mind. Do I want to be responsible for this strangers life? I'm barely responsible for my own. Who am I to say that what he's doing is wrong? I should close the door and walk away. Let his life unfold as it will.
He looked up at me with a thousand yard stare. He was almost where he wanted to be. So was it fate, karma, a divine intervention? Maybe something worse. Just plain dumb luck. But who's, his or mine? You can not make your own luck. I don't care what any one says. It was the second time I had heard that today.
I turned and started to push open the door. Instead, I reached for my cell phone. Shit. Now I'm responsible for him too.
Something About Cake And Eating...
Hollywood will have to wait until next season.
I was on the set of the "Ex List". I was in episodes 8 and 9. From the sounds of it, the show was canceled after they aired episode 7. I do not know this to be a fact. It is possible that the rest of the filmed episodes will be aired at a later date. Sorry Penelope. I'm not a star yet.
Filming at the studio here in San Diego has stopped for the holidays. They will start again in a few months or if they pick up another show. I plan on going back when I can.
Tomorrow is the end of my first week of the "dream job". I have to stop calling it that. I tried very hard not to wear the rose colored glasses more than a day or two. I need to see it for what it is. Right now, it is hard work. My brain hurts from all of the studying and I have found a huge flaw. Today I say Mr. Man for about twenty minutes before I left for work. He was a sleep when I got home. That stinks!
For years I was able to do my job without really thinking about it. I had the same group of artists. I dealt with the same agents, publishers and galleries. I really could do my job on auto pilot. Now, it's a different ball game. I have much to learn. Everyday I spend hours reading and studying. Giving talks and presentations to colleges and my bosses. Unlike the work I had before, this time I can't wing it. I need to know exactly what I'm talking about.
I enjoy the challenge. It's great to use the old brain pan again after years of it being dormant.
Today I felt like a complete dunce. Of course the first real person I spoke with, asked me about the Fauvist. For a second I thought I had blacked out. I went completely blank. I couldn't remember anything about it. Not one of the artists came to mind. I couldn't remember what the style was about. I couldn't even remember what the word Fauve meant. It was most embarrassing.
How could I forget Matisse and "Wild Beast"?
I was on the set of the "Ex List". I was in episodes 8 and 9. From the sounds of it, the show was canceled after they aired episode 7. I do not know this to be a fact. It is possible that the rest of the filmed episodes will be aired at a later date. Sorry Penelope. I'm not a star yet.
Filming at the studio here in San Diego has stopped for the holidays. They will start again in a few months or if they pick up another show. I plan on going back when I can.
Tomorrow is the end of my first week of the "dream job". I have to stop calling it that. I tried very hard not to wear the rose colored glasses more than a day or two. I need to see it for what it is. Right now, it is hard work. My brain hurts from all of the studying and I have found a huge flaw. Today I say Mr. Man for about twenty minutes before I left for work. He was a sleep when I got home. That stinks!
For years I was able to do my job without really thinking about it. I had the same group of artists. I dealt with the same agents, publishers and galleries. I really could do my job on auto pilot. Now, it's a different ball game. I have much to learn. Everyday I spend hours reading and studying. Giving talks and presentations to colleges and my bosses. Unlike the work I had before, this time I can't wing it. I need to know exactly what I'm talking about.
I enjoy the challenge. It's great to use the old brain pan again after years of it being dormant.
Today I felt like a complete dunce. Of course the first real person I spoke with, asked me about the Fauvist. For a second I thought I had blacked out. I went completely blank. I couldn't remember anything about it. Not one of the artists came to mind. I couldn't remember what the style was about. I couldn't even remember what the word Fauve meant. It was most embarrassing.
How could I forget Matisse and "Wild Beast"?
What Is Your Issue? She Asked Like I'm Insane...
So I relate to Precious my job problems. Briefly. Via phone. While she's driving.
She comes home and I give her the details and my concerns.
I get this blank stare and then, "What?"
"You were offered both of the jobs you wanted. A really cool job that suites you and one of your dream jobs. In the same week. Boo Hoo. And the problem is?"
The problem is................. I'm scared..................You want something bad enough, and maybe you don't really expect to get it. Then when you do? Then what? I'm having serious doubts about my abilities.
"You do the jobs. You learn. You expand. You grow. You love it. Why is that a problem? It's what you wanted. You've had new jobs before. You've had new challenges before. Your entire life has been trying to get to this place. Now you're there. Shees! I thought you had real issues."
Then she smacked me up side the head and told me to get a grip.
This is why were a great together. I am such a lucky guy.
So...I am going to try and do them both. I wanted them both. So. Problem solved. We shall convene again in 30 days to re-evaluate.
Cool! I have two jobs, or, Shit! I have two jobs.
We shall see.
She comes home and I give her the details and my concerns.
I get this blank stare and then, "What?"
"You were offered both of the jobs you wanted. A really cool job that suites you and one of your dream jobs. In the same week. Boo Hoo. And the problem is?"
The problem is................. I'm scared..................You want something bad enough, and maybe you don't really expect to get it. Then when you do? Then what? I'm having serious doubts about my abilities.
"You do the jobs. You learn. You expand. You grow. You love it. Why is that a problem? It's what you wanted. You've had new jobs before. You've had new challenges before. Your entire life has been trying to get to this place. Now you're there. Shees! I thought you had real issues."
Then she smacked me up side the head and told me to get a grip.
This is why were a great together. I am such a lucky guy.
So...I am going to try and do them both. I wanted them both. So. Problem solved. We shall convene again in 30 days to re-evaluate.
Cool! I have two jobs, or, Shit! I have two jobs.
We shall see.
Holy F-ing Job Offers Bat Man!
Dear Dr. Bob,
I need help.
Ok, yesterday I went on about looking for jobs that I'm not entirely qualified for.
The first, is one of my dream jobs. (that's still all I'm going to say about it at this point) The other is a great opportunity. It should be a fun gig.
The dream job has been very slow with the interviews, the evaluations, more interviews, etc. And they should be cautious. This is not your basic retail chain store. They can't afford to have some one come in and talk a good game then fail and have to be replaced.
The other job is basically a reporter gig. I interview businesses. Write a review of said businesses. I also write articles that may or may not include info from said interviews. It's a great job if you love to write and pretty much work for yourself. Which I do.
This week I finally decided that I can't really wait any more(having been unemployed for most of this year, I need a job) so I decided to take the other job. I started this morning. Interviewing small businesses and starting my reviews. (I have not seen such hostility to a business review in my life) I'm not selling them anything. It costs them nothing. They get a review of their business on our website and in our print magazine and they may be featured in an article for both and possibly for other larger publications. What is the problem with being polite.
Well the joke is on them. The reviews get written one way or another. They can cooperate or not. But if they're jerks that throw me out before they even find out about what I want, it will not reflect kindly in their review.
So anywho...
I'm at home, sitting in the sun, having a drink, writing my reports and reviews while I work on my articles when the phone rings...
(who can see what's coming next?)
That's right. Dream Job! They call and would like to offer me a 30 day trial to see if I can walk the walk now that I have convinced them I can talk the talk. They want me to start this coming Tuesday.
To paraphrase one of my favorite bloggers, Sizzle, I am now left with, "the square root of fuck all".
The dream job is basically asking me to come work for them for a month, for a pittance, just to see if I can really do everything I told them I can do.
I would have to quit the job I just took in order to take the 30 day trial. If at the end of 30 days, it doesn't work out I'm back to square one. Unemployed and unable to go back to the job I have and would have to quit after only a few days. How rude is that?
If it does work out after 30 days, I have one of my dream jobs.
I need help.
Ok, yesterday I went on about looking for jobs that I'm not entirely qualified for.
The first, is one of my dream jobs. (that's still all I'm going to say about it at this point) The other is a great opportunity. It should be a fun gig.
The dream job has been very slow with the interviews, the evaluations, more interviews, etc. And they should be cautious. This is not your basic retail chain store. They can't afford to have some one come in and talk a good game then fail and have to be replaced.
The other job is basically a reporter gig. I interview businesses. Write a review of said businesses. I also write articles that may or may not include info from said interviews. It's a great job if you love to write and pretty much work for yourself. Which I do.
This week I finally decided that I can't really wait any more(having been unemployed for most of this year, I need a job) so I decided to take the other job. I started this morning. Interviewing small businesses and starting my reviews. (I have not seen such hostility to a business review in my life) I'm not selling them anything. It costs them nothing. They get a review of their business on our website and in our print magazine and they may be featured in an article for both and possibly for other larger publications. What is the problem with being polite.
Well the joke is on them. The reviews get written one way or another. They can cooperate or not. But if they're jerks that throw me out before they even find out about what I want, it will not reflect kindly in their review.
So anywho...
I'm at home, sitting in the sun, having a drink, writing my reports and reviews while I work on my articles when the phone rings...
(who can see what's coming next?)
That's right. Dream Job! They call and would like to offer me a 30 day trial to see if I can walk the walk now that I have convinced them I can talk the talk. They want me to start this coming Tuesday.
To paraphrase one of my favorite bloggers, Sizzle, I am now left with, "the square root of fuck all".
The dream job is basically asking me to come work for them for a month, for a pittance, just to see if I can really do everything I told them I can do.
I would have to quit the job I just took in order to take the 30 day trial. If at the end of 30 days, it doesn't work out I'm back to square one. Unemployed and unable to go back to the job I have and would have to quit after only a few days. How rude is that?
If it does work out after 30 days, I have one of my dream jobs.
**Insert photo of me pulling my hair out in great big clumps**
Give The New Guy Fluff...
I'm always the first one to tell others to jump. Life's an adventure, enjoy your ride. Sure for the most part I live by that same philosophy.
After some hard deliberation, procrastination and masterba.....what a minute. I've been thinking about things long and hard. No that doesn't sound right either.
How do I get myself into these things.
I have been trying to get myself in to a position that I'm not qualified for. About the only thing I can offer them, is an undying desire to have it. Without completely re-evaluating my goals, dreams and life's desires, I would have to say, it is one of the top two or three positions that I have ever wanted. The process has been slow and they are not really looking for help. Maybe that's why they're called "dream jobs".
At the same time I have managed to get myself in to another position that I am not qualified for. In fact I have never really given more than a passing fancy to even trying something like this as a profession.
It looks like I will start this week. I will be reviewing and writing about small business, as well as writing articles for a consumer review website and small regional magazine. (thank God I wont have to edit my own work) My territory is going to be Vista and Fallbrook Ca.
My first assignment is beauty salons and spas. (start the new guy with the fluff pieces) This should be fun.
After some hard deliberation, procrastination and masterba.....what a minute. I've been thinking about things long and hard. No that doesn't sound right either.
How do I get myself into these things.
I have been trying to get myself in to a position that I'm not qualified for. About the only thing I can offer them, is an undying desire to have it. Without completely re-evaluating my goals, dreams and life's desires, I would have to say, it is one of the top two or three positions that I have ever wanted. The process has been slow and they are not really looking for help. Maybe that's why they're called "dream jobs".
At the same time I have managed to get myself in to another position that I am not qualified for. In fact I have never really given more than a passing fancy to even trying something like this as a profession.
It looks like I will start this week. I will be reviewing and writing about small business, as well as writing articles for a consumer review website and small regional magazine. (thank God I wont have to edit my own work) My territory is going to be Vista and Fallbrook Ca.
My first assignment is beauty salons and spas. (start the new guy with the fluff pieces) This should be fun.
Ravenclaw, You Are Not...(not necessarily you)
Where do ten days go so quickly?
Time seems to have lost meaning. A list of things to do, that doesn't get done. Let's transfer them to tomorrows list. Then let's not do them tomorrow either.
"Where are you?"
"Can you be more specific?"
"???? What?"
"Physically? Mentally? Artistically? Spiritually? Grammatically? "
"I'm running short on time, let's go with physically and work our way up to the others."
..................
That sounds like a great deal of work. Other than physically, I'm in an unfamiliar hood. It looks like a place I've been, only very different.
.................
Do you have dependability issues? Not necessarily "you" per say, rather you have to deal with this issues. Dependability is deal breaker for me. Almost always. There have been an exception or too, based purely on necessity but that was that.
When I agree to do something, I try my best to do it. Why is that so difficult for some? ...for most?
You,(again, not necessarily you) look someone in the eye and agree to do something. Then you do a half ass job, or even better, don't even attempt to do what you agreed.
How do you look that person in the eye again and feel alright with yourself? ...and you do!
How do I (not necessarily me) look that person in the eye and not slap them upside the head for being a complete crud of a human being?
At least try to come through. Keep the lame excuses for another. I've heard them all. I used most. They're barely believable and only add insult to my(not necessarily mine) injury.
Is that too much to ask?
Apparently.
Time seems to have lost meaning. A list of things to do, that doesn't get done. Let's transfer them to tomorrows list. Then let's not do them tomorrow either.
"Where are you?"
"Can you be more specific?"
"???? What?"
"Physically? Mentally? Artistically? Spiritually? Grammatically? "
"I'm running short on time, let's go with physically and work our way up to the others."
..................
That sounds like a great deal of work. Other than physically, I'm in an unfamiliar hood. It looks like a place I've been, only very different.
.................
Do you have dependability issues? Not necessarily "you" per say, rather you have to deal with this issues. Dependability is deal breaker for me. Almost always. There have been an exception or too, based purely on necessity but that was that.
When I agree to do something, I try my best to do it. Why is that so difficult for some? ...for most?
You,(again, not necessarily you) look someone in the eye and agree to do something. Then you do a half ass job, or even better, don't even attempt to do what you agreed.
How do you look that person in the eye again and feel alright with yourself? ...and you do!
How do I (not necessarily me) look that person in the eye and not slap them upside the head for being a complete crud of a human being?
At least try to come through. Keep the lame excuses for another. I've heard them all. I used most. They're barely believable and only add insult to my(not necessarily mine) injury.
Is that too much to ask?
Apparently.
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