Did I mention the Mercedes?

After 20 years in the art business, the only thing I know for sure: No one knows anything about art.

Oh, and a lot of the people in the art business are frigin nuts.

One afternoon in a gallery that will remain nameless, I was doing what ever it was we told ourselves we do, when the owner of the gallery came in.

The following is what went on between he and a fellow staff member, word for word, to the best of memory, start to finish.

Owner:(no hello, how ya doin, nothing)
When you are handling My art, keep in mind that it is My art!
Everything should be treated with the respect that I Deserve! You should wear cotton gloves when handling My art!

I am a visionary. I know the art world because I have owned a successful art business for the last 25 years.
When Mercedes sells S class cars for ten years and then they come out with the M class, some people are going to want the new M and some people will want the S.

That is why I print Russian historical figures from Serg even though they don't sell.
That is how business marketing works.


Staff member:
But owner? Serg is best known for his softer, children with pig tails and regal looking women with intricate details and layered backgrounds.
Even our Russian clients do not care about Russian historical figures.
We cannot give those images away, let alone sell them.


Owner:
You don't know the business!


Staff member:
I have been in the business for 18 years and worked for some of the best galleries in the country...

Owner: (interrupting)
You don't know the business. I know the art business. I have run this company for 25 years. We need to create a thumb print of an artist and only then can we show the public something new.
The general public can not handle work from an artist if they are not ready.


Staff member:
The public knows the artist already. They are the ones asking for these other works.


Owner: (interrupting again)
They don't know the business. You need to create a thumb print and then we can show these other works.
That is the way that business marketing works.


Staff member:
But owner, You have done "Peter the great" and it flopped.
You did "Anastasia" and it flopped.
You re-did "Peter the Great" and it flopped again...

You took Colleen's work, that was selling well, made her change it from what her collectors were used to, then printed limited editions of the "new" work and it flopped. Then you lost the artist, and she sued you.

You took Gwen's work, which was selling well, and for the prints you made her change it and they flopped. You lost her and she sued you.

In fact everyone of the artists you have dealt with over the last 15 years have come to you with a good career going, you took their work and changed it until nobody wanted it anymore, you pissed off the artists and they left and had to sue you in order to get paid.

Have you ever thought about listening to your staff, who work with the collectors on a daily basis?


Owner:
Have I told you about the Mercedes?


Owner then wonders back out the door and is not seen for the rest of month.
Entire staff stands and shake their heads in a state of bewilderment.

And this was one of the more coherent conversations.

I can't make this up, I'm not that good.