14 April 2009

What Dreams May Come...

It has been said that time, heals all wounds. Well, I have never really believed that. It's more like, each passing day rips the wound open and pours salt into it. Maybe time is the wound itself. Healed or not, the scar remains as a constant reminder.

1997 was the worst year of my recorded history. 2008 is second worst. It was close, but it's still only second. 2009 is shaping up to give 2008 a run for it's position.

For about a month I rambled on about dream jobs to the point that even I was tired of hearing about it. Now five months later, I see things a bit differently. I love what I do. As far as jobs go, it is a dream, but it's not what I dream about.

The universe is full of sick and twisted jokes, that I have missed the punch line for. I guess my dream is one of them. 

The thing I dream about most of all, is being a great dad. I know, I can't believe that after everything, that is what I dream about most. And now, it's my 'dream job' that's keeping me from what I really want.  

I'm now spending 50 to 60 hours a week at the gallery, and I only get to spend about 20 hours a week with my son.  To me, being great, means spending as much time with him as I can. We pay strangers to watch and spend time with him because we work. To give him a better life. To pay them, we have to work more. Working more we spend less time with him. 

So, I spent the last twenty years, working my ass off so I would have more time to spend with my wife and  now, child. Just as I was getting where I was headed, the world collapses around us and I find myself having to basically start over. Working my ass off so I can be where I was twenty years ago.

No matter how long I sit and think about it, I just don't see the humor.

5 comments:

Sizzle said...

I don't see the humor in that either. It just fucking sucks.

Christine said...

Good luck, man, we're all in the same boat...

Penelope said...

It properly does suck!
Sorry sweetheart, you all deserve better :)

Pumpkin said...

It sucks big time.

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