29 March 2007

Beyond The Profit Of Today...

Lord, give me vision that shall see
Beyond the profit of today
Into the years which are to be,
That I may take the larger, wiser way.

I seek for fortune, Lord, nor claim
To scorn the recompense I earn;
But help me, as I play the game,
To give the world its just return.

Thou mad'st the earth for all of us,
Teach me through struggle, strain and stress
To win and do my share, for thus
Can profit lead to happiness.

Guard me from thought of little men
Which blind the soul to greater things;
Save me from smug content and then
From greed and selfishness it brings.

Aid me to join that splendid clan
Of business Men who seek to trace
A calm, considered working-plan
To make the world a better place.

Teach me to hold this task above
All lesser thoughts within my ken,
That thus I may be worthy of
The name of Business Man; Amen!

Author Unknown

28 March 2007

Anger As Inspiration...

Most of the last several days I have spent trying to keep my head from exploding. Mainly because we would never get the mess out of our furniture.

The thought of popping someone else's head had also crossed my mind. Then I remembered that I am rarely if ever a violent person. Besides, I'm better than that.

Our lives will be in limbo for the next two or three weeks. It's a difficult thought to grasp, but there is really no way around it if we want to try and salvage anything we have done for the last year and a half.

At that time we meet with the board of directors, lawyers and partners. It will be quite simple really. We either lose everything or we will be reimbursed for the last six months and given the next year to re-coup losses and make things work, along with a change of leadership within the board.

If we lose it all? More lawyers.
If they pull their heads out of their back sides, and honor our agreement, everything will be fine.

The next couple of weeks are going to be very long and stressful.


It was about 4am this morning that my mind slowed down enough to actually think about things.

Until that time I spent drinking and painting. Both in excess.
Anger and hostility can be great motivators if properly channeled. So, with drink in one hand and a paint brush in the other I continued with the "Isolation" series.

"Electric Skies No. 1" 8 x 24 inches

"Jamaica Blue No 1" 16 x 20 inches

"Desperation Point Light House No. 1" 10 x 24 inches

"Dory Day No 1" 8 x 24 inches

"Evening Solitude No.2" 11 x 14 inches

"Evening Solitude No. 1" 11 x 14 inches

27 March 2007

Every Silver Lining Has A Dark Cloud...

When you get yourself into a bad situation, you think that you would sell your soul to get out of it. Then one day someone comes along and offers you something better. This someone isn't just anyone. It's someone that you have known and trusted for almost twenty years. This someone has been responsible for some of your best breaks.

Even though my father always told me, "Never do business with family or friends...when money is involved you can always count on your loved ones to fuck you over." How true. I despise money.

I went against my better judgment, because I wanted out of where I was, so bad.

The contract was never actually produced so it was never signed. The promises made have gone by the wayside.

The venture that was to cost us nothing, has now drained several tens of thousands out of our savings.

The great offer that was to deliver us from the bad situation has now officially become a night mare worse than our previous reality. Hind sights a bitch.

Ulcers, anxiety attacks, sleepless nights have become SOP.

I have never been so upset at myself. Dragging my family across country, on a promise and a hand shake only to make things worse than they were before.

Hanging by our teeth for the last eight months, we just can't hang anymore.

Never go against your gut. My gut told me to go slow. Instead I rushed in and got clobbered. I hate it when I do this kind of stupid shit. I knew better. Damn, I knew better!

The sound you are hearing: A dream being run through a meat grinder and tossed into the gutter to be forgotten.

I have spent my life following my dreams. Without them I have nothing to live for. I have had my hopes dashed and my heart broken many times. This time it feels much more personal. Maybe it's Mr. Man. I have to make sure that he is taken care of. I told myself that I could trust this someone because he knew I had Mr. Man to care for.

I walked right into it, wide eyed and blind. FUCK!

23 March 2007

The Crowd (in my head) Goes Wild...

Sometimes my life is complete and utter chaos. The crowd noise is deafening. The crowd, is for the most part in my head. I am easily distracted. In the middle of a project, the crowd screams and starts a wave. Next thing I know I'm throwing my arms in the air...and I'm off to the concession stand.


Thank you for the offers to help with changing my template. It was the angst. I'm not really upset with my layout. In fact I like it. There is really no need to make more changes. I am still thinking of changing my host though.


Over the last six days I have slept for about three hours a night. This is part of my problem lately. The crowd gets much louder the less I sleep.


With not sleeping comes more time in my studio. At times the insomnia can be a benefit. I usually don't get enough time to paint. When my mind is in a good place, the extra time lets me produce a lot of work that I wont have to paint over later. When my mind is set on puree, I produce a lot of work that for the most part never gets finished. I start a painting, the crowd roars, hey look at the shinny thing on the floor...who needs a beer and hotdog?


Here are three of the latest paintings. 24 x 36 inches each. I have several more layers of paint to put down. Provided I don't wander off.

These three are about isolation. Something that has been weighing heavy on my mind as of late. I always seem to feel more isolated the larger the crowd grows.


Those photos stink. Time for a new camera.


Mr. Man has learned several more choice words. I love the timing he has when he decides to use them.

He loves to greet people when he's at the gallery with us. Someone comes in, he grabs one of our business cards, takes it to them and says, Hello, ticket please." then he hands them our card. It is so cute.

This week, he went to greet a couple. The totally ignored him. Which was rude but, anywho.

Mr. Man tried to hand them a card, says hello. They walk past without a word. He turns to me, throws down the card and says, "Well that's a bitch."


Oh, look! Fire works!

22 March 2007

In The Gallery Today, and Sadly, Everyday...

On our front window is a list of the artists that we represent in the gallery. We have 17 names on the list. Inside the gallery we hang the art of each artist in there own space to keep them grouped. With each group we put the name of the artist on the wall with the works as well as put a tag on each work that has the artists name, title, price and size.

Everyday, at least one person will stop at the window to look at the list of artists. Walk into the gallery and look at all of the works. Read the tags. Walk up to the desk and ask me if I painted all the works.

When I say, "No, we have about 20 different artists from all over the world.", they almost always say, "So you didn't do these?"

That drives me nuts!


We have large bronze dogs in the gallery. Today a lady came in to ask about them. She asked what they were made of.

"They're bronze."

She looks at me with a puzzled expression and says, "Is that like some kind of metal?"


Behind my desk is a large painting of roof tops in St Petersburg Russia. The work is titled, Rooftops of St Petersburg. The artists name is Volkov.

A man asked today what it was called. I told him the title, the artists name and mentioned that he grew up not to far from where it was painted.

He looks me right in the eye and says, "Is that a local scene?

I repeat everything that I just told him. He says, "So it's not from around here?"


I am quite sure that I am way too hard on people. On days like today, I really wish I carried a stun gun.

Techno Babble...

I have been trying to change my header image for the last two days now. Ever since Blogger changed to its new version I have been having trouble. It has become near impossible to make changes to any part of my site, other than very minor.

Anyone else(of those who use blogger) having these problems?

Before, any photo put on my site could easily be put into the html. The url looked like this:

Now the url looks like this:

Who can explain to me the difference? Why they are uploading differently and/or what I need to do about getting the latter to work in my template?

Blogger and Google have been zero help.

Time to move?

21 March 2007

19 March 2007

The Moron

See the happy moron,
He doesn't give a damn!
I wish I were a moron-
My God! Perhaps I am!

17 March 2007


I have more questions for all of you.

Of those of you out there, that are in relationships. Living with another person, married, seriously dating...

Of those of you with blogs, how many of you have your partner blog as well?
Do they have their own site? Do they share your site? Do they guest post on your site from time to time.

Did they have a blog when you met? Did they start blogging after you did or want to blog because you were?

What are your thoughts on this. Feel free to give answers to questions that I may have not asked, or share stories of couples blogging. Good, bad or ugly.

15 March 2007

I Know You're Out There...

I have asked you all before, and I will continue to ask.
Some of you must know an artist that is looking for representation. I am looking for those who are not yet showing in galleries or maybe just one or two spots.

Talent, drive, reliable...a fresh voice and vision...

I know there has to be at least a couple talented artists out there some where.

I just went through the catalog for the New York Art Expo. It took place a couple of weeks ago.
500 pages, about 850 artists and all but about 5 of them are absolute SHITE!

What the hell is going on in the world. Art schools, I'm talking to you. You are cranking out garbage men not artist. Do you teach them anything at all anymore? Good Grief man. I spend more time trying to re-educate wantabe artist than I do anything else.

I should not have to teach them, how to act in public, how to dress, how to put together a portfolio, how to create a web site, how to speak in coherent sentences, how to research galleries, how to lay out a drawing, color theory, composition, art history....

Enough already! For the love of Rembrandts ghost, stop.

Being an artist is hard work that takes a life time of dedication and devotion to your craft. The next one of you that brings me a poorly photo-shopped photograph and gives me a line of BS about it being a new art form, I swear to all that is holy I will make you eat it!

And Disney. STOP giving licenses to every blow hard that can copy Mickey Mouse. It's been done to death already! We are sick of seeing it.

13 March 2007

Carefull Where You Crash...

Yesterday was going so well. It didn't rain. Precious came to have lunch with me while Mr. Man was with a sitter. People were in the gallery. All in all it was nice.

As I am leaving for the day I spy a note on my windshield. A love note from Precious, I think to myself. How cool. I do enjoy a nice love note.

I pull the note off the window and this is what I read...

This is not very romantic, but I kind of chuckle to myself. Then I think. This is not the handwriting of my Precious.

I walk around the side of my car to find a big fat dent, scrapes and paint transfer.

My good day is now shot to hell. I am so PO'ed at the fact this beeotch left this note with no personal info. She clearly new some one had seen her so she is going to make the witnesses think that she's doing the right thing when in fact she is just being mean, rude and irresponsible.

I apologize to women every where for assuming that it was a woman that hit me. At this point I had no idea.

Having learned early on in life that revenge, like sushi, is best served cold, I calm myself and begin my investigation.

All the shops were closed. No witnesses to be found. I examine the note more closely.

This was the other side of the note.

Not much to go on, but it's enough if you have been around the block a few times.

Within 10 minutes of finding the note I new the womans name (sorry women, it was a woman)
her phone number, type of vehicle, her address and insurance carrier.

In Oregon a hit and run of any kind is a criminal offense. How ever, I decide to give her the chance to do the right thing.

I call the number and ask for her by name. What I get is, "Um...no...that's not me...um...who is this?...how did you get my number?...um...wrong number." CLICK. She hung up on me.

I tried it again only to get an answering service. Guess who's voice I hear. That's right. The same woman that just told me I had the wrong number.

Now I'm pissed.

As I am talking with the police, giving them the info I get another call. It's her. She starts off by asking if I am the person who's car she hit. Then she desperately wants to know how I found her. I did not share techniques.

Maybe she started to think about how much trouble I could cause for her if I were so inclined or she was feeling guilty. Who knows. Who cares. She does offer to call her insurance company and file a claim. Which she has now done. We will see where this goes.

I will give her credit for having called me back. I didn't think she would. But I don't have much faith in people.

The moral of my tale...

Be careful before you try to pull a fast one. You never know who you might be dealing with. No matter what you do, you are very easy to find. Just look at how much info I got on this person in less than ten minutes with this little slip of torn paper.


On a side note. Mr Man loved the "Lil Dave" buttons!

11 March 2007

Worth The Drive...

Last night, as many of you know, was Tequilacon 2007. I was hesitant to go. Precious couldn't go with. I am much better with her than without. She encouraged me to go, since I go on and on about blogging and talk about you all as if I knew you already.

So, I made the 2 hour drive to Portland. Rained the entire way. I stood outside of the Kennedy School for about 20 minutes, trying to decide if I was going in or turning around and going home. I called Precious to tell her I had arrived safely and again she told me to go in and make nice. So I did.

I must admit, I felt way out of my element. I apparently have forgotten how to meet new people and to socialize on my own. I really wanted a good strong drink but I was going to be driving back to the coast and a DUI or crash was not on my to-do list. Water is not a good relaxant.

I recognized a couple of people from their blogs, and tried to remember to introduce myself to everyone. No one was what I had expected. Well almost. A couple of you were close to the you I had imagined. Some of you I am sure sent an actor in your place. In fairness, I heard the same thing about me from many of you. I was not what you expected either.

It was odd to put an actual person with the sites I have been reading for the last year or more. They are a very nice group. I found it somewhat odd that people would come so far for this. It is a curious community.

I did get to meet most of you and had time to chat with several of you as well. Leaving early like I did, I am sure I missed much of the frivolity. All said and done, I am glad I made the drive. I had a great time. Met some wonderful people. Got tattooed. Thanks to all of you.

Several of you asked if I would do an artistic interpretation of the event or portraits of attendees. Yes, I would be happy to give it a shot. Anyone interested in paintings, drawing or what not, email me photos and let me know what you have in mind.

Actually I would love it if you would all email me the photos anyway. madwilliam@mac.com


08 March 2007

Drinking to Follow...

It looks like I have done enough pleading and begging to free up some time this Saturday evening. So weather permitting I will be driving to Portland Saturday afternoon for a few hours of blogger socialization before having to drive back home Saturday night.

I am a bit nervous about it. I don't normally do these kind of things. Several of you have emailed or commented that you were wanting to meet me. Yikes, the pressure. Oh well, I will get a lanyard out of it. How bad could it be?

See you there. I will be the one hiding in the corner.

Header Time...

06 March 2007

Battle Blogging...

When I started this site I really had no idea about how blogging worked or how to get anyone to visit. I signed up for several sites that all claimed they would bring people by the thousands and make me rich.

They were all shoveling some deep do.

I did stay with two of them, Blogorama and Blogexplosion.
Blogorama kind of blows. I am pretty sure I have never had a visitor from their site but I really like the button so I leave it on my site. I have had a few visits from Blogexplosion. They at least make an effort to create a user friendly network for us. Most of the sites I find with them are political with a heavy right tilt. Not my thing.

They have what they call the Battle of the Blogs. You put up your site against another member and let visitors decide who has the best site.

I decided today that I would accept an offer to battle. I put up 25 of my points and went at it.
I won. Go figure. Probably my last battle. I'm not sure I want the kind of traffic these kind of sites bring. After all, I didn't really start this for the site traffic. Sure it's nice, but I much would much rather have you find me from someone who already visits. Besides, I try not to be confrontational. That kind of attitude goes against the whole 'battle" theme.

I signed up for a site called PayPerPost today. They allegedly pay blogger to write about things they write about anyway. After a day of looking at their site and checking it out, I think I will be ditching them also.


Third round of the Volleyball playoffs are over. We lost. I don't want to talk about it. Season over.

04 March 2007

Happy Day...It's Dry...

We woke today to find mostly blue sky. No rain, no snow, no hail. Mr. Man and I went for a long ride in the morning. Hit golf balls in the back yard and chased the dog around the neighborhood about a hundred times. By the time we came inside the child and dog were both exhausted. It took them no time be asleep for the afternoon nappy. This left me with several hours to myself.

To the studio!

This is "Chadette No. 46" 8 x 10 inches, oil on canvas board.

This is the finished version of "Chadette No 45". I have named her, "Victoria".
I was able to finish two of my "Daisy" paintings. This one is 8 x 24 inches, oil on canvas.

This is the second of the "Daisies", 10 x 30 inches, oil on canvas.
I have been working on the two of these Daisies for about a week off and on. The red I used in the background took forever to dry. I had a fan and heat lamp on it for the last three days. It will be a few more days before I can glaze either of them.

This is still a work in progress. About an hour so far. 11 x 14 inches. I put down the drawing and the first layer of color. She will take a lot of time. I want her to be much more realistic than I normally paint. We'll see how she goes.

03 March 2007

You Never Can Tell...

You never can tell when you send a word
Like an arrow shot from a bow
By an archer blind, be it cruel or kind,
Just where it may chance to go.
It may pierce the breast of your dearest friend,
Tipped with its poison or balm,
To a stranger's heart in life's great mart
It may carry its pain or its calm.

Ella Wheeler Wilcox

02 March 2007