27 March 2007

Every Silver Lining Has A Dark Cloud...

When you get yourself into a bad situation, you think that you would sell your soul to get out of it. Then one day someone comes along and offers you something better. This someone isn't just anyone. It's someone that you have known and trusted for almost twenty years. This someone has been responsible for some of your best breaks.

Even though my father always told me, "Never do business with family or friends...when money is involved you can always count on your loved ones to fuck you over." How true. I despise money.

I went against my better judgment, because I wanted out of where I was, so bad.

The contract was never actually produced so it was never signed. The promises made have gone by the wayside.

The venture that was to cost us nothing, has now drained several tens of thousands out of our savings.

The great offer that was to deliver us from the bad situation has now officially become a night mare worse than our previous reality. Hind sights a bitch.

Ulcers, anxiety attacks, sleepless nights have become SOP.

I have never been so upset at myself. Dragging my family across country, on a promise and a hand shake only to make things worse than they were before.

Hanging by our teeth for the last eight months, we just can't hang anymore.

Never go against your gut. My gut told me to go slow. Instead I rushed in and got clobbered. I hate it when I do this kind of stupid shit. I knew better. Damn, I knew better!

The sound you are hearing: A dream being run through a meat grinder and tossed into the gutter to be forgotten.

I have spent my life following my dreams. Without them I have nothing to live for. I have had my hopes dashed and my heart broken many times. This time it feels much more personal. Maybe it's Mr. Man. I have to make sure that he is taken care of. I told myself that I could trust this someone because he knew I had Mr. Man to care for.

I walked right into it, wide eyed and blind. FUCK!

9 comments:

femme d'espoir said...

so so very sorry. I hope it works out in the end. Godspeed.

Mad William said...

Femme,
Wow, where have you been?
Thanks for for the thoughts. One way or another everything always works out. It's just a bitch getting there from here.

I have been wondering about you. You Ok?

Dave2 said...

This does not sound good.

Here's hoping things turn around for you very soon.

Mad William said...

Thanks Dave. Lets hope.

eclectic said...

Last year at about this time I posted something about this very type of betrayal -- against our better judgment we went into business with a "friend" who screwed us two ways from friday, laughing. It has taken us a year to recover financially, but that's only money. It's the damage to our psyches and ability to trust that took the real beating, and we're still healing from that. What we've learned, though, is that what we have together is stronger than anything that can be taken from us. You'll get through this, one way or another, and you'll come out the other side stronger, wiser, and more sympathetic to others in similar situations. And there's always someone in a similar situation -- it's not just you. Human nature can suck, and it will take advantage at every opportunity. The trick is learning to give what you have to give without concern for what others want to take. If we can do that, we win.

I'm so sorry someone has dragged you into this. I believe you'll turn it around and be better than ever. *mwah*

Mad William said...

eclectic,
You're right. I have no doubt we will get through it alright. It was never about the money. Money comes and goes. Trust is something I have never given easily, and to have it betrayed kills me.

Stacey said...

Ugh. Sorry to hear this stuff. I was going to say something about "friends" who screw you over being way worse than the money lost, blah blah blah, but eclectic said it all, and eloquently too.

Wishing you the best as you sort this out.

femme d'espoir said...

*smile* I'm still around, just more often silent than vocal.

and... I still come here almost daily.

take care, mon ami!

Mad William said...

Femme,

Je vous remercie beaucoup.

Stacey,

Thanks