T-Mobile Broke Up With Me Over A Cheap Phone...

After ten years of loyal customer support of T-Mobile, they have told me point blank that they 


would rather lose my business than upgrade two six year old phones for free. All I wanted was


two very basic, call, text and camera phones. I was willing to sign a two year extension and 


upgrade our plans. Didn't matter. I have always told everyone I knew how wonderful T-Mobile 


was. Well from now on I will be telling everyone I know how terrible and greedy they have 


become. They were more than happy to lose a customer of ten years over a cheap $20 phone. 


So who's happy with their phone provider, as long as it's anyone except T-Mobile?

Confrontation...Part Two...

One of the biggest difficulties of being a non-confrontational person, is that every now and then, I really want to smack people. Just wind up and cuff them in the side of there narrow minded head.

But I don't.

Some people that know me. Not necessarily friends mind you, but acquaintances that I have known for a length of time. A few of them take advantage of my nature. They push me, in a way that I believe they are trying to provoke a confrontation.

I have that happening now. I can't really tell you about it here. But I really, really want to smack this person.

Four days a week it takes all of my energy not to pound them into the turf and step on their head as I walk away.

Instead I go home and tell Precious about it. Which she loves.(can you feel the snark)

And of course I vent my frustrations in my painting and my writing. Most of the time it helps and let the situation go. Other times it doesn't. Karate and bike rides help too.

I just don't understand why some people seem to choose to be total asshats! 

A Lack Of Creative Thought Is Ruining My Childhood...And Humanity

I have always been a big fan of cartoons. I love them. Almost all of them. I have a few favorites that I watched as a kid. With Boomerang I have been able to share those classics with Mr. Man.

This morning we got up and were looking for a toon to watch before breakfast. (I will allow a toon or two in the mornings if things are going well)

Anywho...

I see that Scooby-Doo is on. I love Scooby and the gang. Except...this one is a little different. Ok so far, I can live with a few updates of technology. I can even live with the fact that Cacey Kasem doesn't always do the voice of Shag anymore. I can put up with the show being made into really bad live action movies. I will take the fact that they keep wanting to change the way the characters dress.

What I can't take, what I wont take, is major alterations to the personalities of the characters.

This morning, Scooby heard Shag wrestling in the bushes. Being the true hero that Scooby is, he jumped into the bush to save his best friend.

What he found...what I witnessed...was one of the most horrendous, most disturbing, most disgusting abomination of a classic that I have ever seen. And I have seen some horrific alterations to TV and it's shows and characters over the years. But this...the image is still burning in my brain hours later. I may never be able to forget the horror. The tragedy. The complete prostitution of a classic character. Years after I'm dead I will roll in my grave thinking about this crime. Yes crime. A piece of my childhood has been stolen and forced to into the sex trade.

Wait for it.....

As Scooby jumped through the bushes....He discovered....Shag.....and Thema.....

Oh the humanity!

Shag and Thema ....were KISSING! KISSING!

Why! Why!? Why?

Now, I am far from a prude. I'm a big fan of kissing, dating, goo-goo eyes, and even sex on television. I think it's far better than the violence that we see every where. Even in kids shows.

When it comes down to it I will pick sex over violence every time.

But this....there is absolutely no excuses for this. They can justify it any way they want. There is no reason for this. The gang does not kiss one another. The gang was all about the subtle and at times not so subtle innuendo and implied sex that may or may not have been happening between Fred and Daph. That is all there ever was. That is all there ever should be.

Scooby-Doo, and all other classic toons do not need to be altered to the miss-shappen, dysfunctional, ADHD ridden youth of today. If they don't get the classics in classic form, then we have failed the youth. If they wont watch unless the gang is getting jiggy with each other, then we have failed society. Our future has no chance of evolving into anything greater and we are doomed to a future of mindless debauchery and total ignorance that is "reality" television.

What's next, Captain Cave Man selling insurance? Jabber Jaws being sliced up and served as sushi? The Flintstones become swingers?

Why? Why would anyone in their right mind want to do this? What kind of sick and twisted mind would do this? How much money did it take, for these douche bags in suits to sell our past of fond memories and childish laughter and turn it into Sex in the City?

How sad as humanity become that we are unable to come up with anything original that we have to destroy the past of a generation?

Where do we draw the line?

RIP 94.9 San Diego...Free radio is now dead

Dear 94.9,

I want to express the deep and utter sadness I'm feeling this morning. I have been a loyal listener for the last seven years. I have been with you from the beginning. When I moved away I listened to you online.

You "were" the only station I have ever found the put the focus on music without pandering to the lowest common denominator of society.

Until today. When I turned on the radio in my car and found that you have added the Mikey show. I had to re-adjust my tuner thinking I had changed channels by mistake or accident. I even called the station to confirm the horror that I was hearing.

I realize that you are in business and need good ratings, but are four hours of air time really enough make or break the station? Is the morning slot the only one that matters or the slot that means the most?

Once that first step down the slippery slope has been taken it's over. For now it's only the Mikey show and four hours of the day. Then it will be the mid day show. Then the evening drive home show. Next thing you know you have become just another Clear Channel nightmare for those of us with active brain cells.

I plead with you and your parent company, Lincoln Financial Media, to reconsider. I plead with you to go over your mission statement.

Rule No. 1 - It's about the music!
Rule No. 2 Listen to your listeners.

Are there really so many of your loyal listeners that want the Mikey show? I don't believe that 94.9 fans would want that kind of thing on their station. All of the other stations already pander to those mouth breathers.

When in doubt, see rule No 1. It's about the music!

You are clearly in doubt, so please refer back to Rule No. 1. It's about the music. Mikey is NOT about the music. Mikey's a jackass.

I'm going to miss you all. I can't sit by and watch you die an agonizing death by slowly turning into everything else on the air waves. Free radio is now dead.

My deepest condolences,
Mad William

Dear Apple,

Steve,

I wanted you to know, I love almost everything you do. I am a huge fan of the machines, gadgets, browsers and everything else you do and have done. And I very much appreciate the six months of free service with Mobileme.

However, Mobileme is still one giant pile of steamy crap!

Mobileme has NEVER worked the way we were told it would. There are CONSTANT disruptions to service, it is down more than a two dollar whore and I am forever getting error messages for absolutely everything I need to do, not to mention how often I am just disconnected for no reason what so ever.

Even though the error messages say that a copy has been save to drafts or where ever it should be saved, do know what? IT NEVER SAVES SHIT!

Please, Steve, have at least one of your minions spend some time working on the numerous bugs and glitches that Mobileme still has. Or at least put dot mac back on line. In all the years I used dot mac, I never had a problem. EVER.

The few bells and whistles that mobileme has that do work are not enough to make up for the amount that still doesn't, and hasn't ever worked.

Steve, you're better than this. And quite frankly, I expect more from you. If this was MS, I would take it in stride because we expect MS to suck. But you're Apple baby. Please, do something.

Sincerely,

A once satisfied, growing ever pissed off customer.

The White Zone Is For Emotional Baggage Loading Only. No Unloading, No Parking!

Sometimes everything seems to hit at once. It's not necessarily the moving that has gotten to me. We have moved dozens of times. Having it forced on you is a bit worse but it's nothing we can't handle. The expense of moving we could do with out. Knowing that there is really nothing we can do about it because renters have no rights, torques my shorts.

I tell myself every morning, "It's going to be alright. Things will work out." I reassure Precious of the same things. I have never seen her so depressed. She's feeling the pressure. As I am.

The last two years have kick our asses. Hard. I'm loosing it. I'm beginning to wonder if things will really be alright, but I can't admit it out load. There are no guaranties. Bad things happen. Life is seldom fair.

I wonder if my life has become a self fulfilling prophecy. Maybe I am an unhappy person and I'm bringing this on us. There have been hard times in my life. A life time ago. I hid behind drugs. Lately I have begun to feel the pull, and remember the allure they had to me. That they have on anyone that is in a tough patch. It gives escape. It makes you forget.

I can't escape this time. I have someone the depends on me. For everything. I have to be there. I have to make everything work some how. But I'm lost. I'm at wits ends. How much can a person take before they break.

I'm worried about Precious. She's at the edge. I know because I was standing there already. For the first time in my life I am truly afraid of what is going to happen to us. So much of life is beyond our control.

Every morning I hold on to Mr. Man before I leave for work. He's an angel. He has no idea and I need to keep it that way. I never want to let him go. But I have to. I have to go out into the world. I feel completely vulnerable. Like a target.

If I can only hold it together at work. Don't break down. Tell myself over and over, that it will be alright. Maybe I can make something happen. If I can only make something happen, it will be alright.

I hope that the other drivers can't see that I'm having a mini break down as I drive. I hold my hand up to shield my face from passing cars. Tears streaming down my cheeks. The pep talks are becoming less and less affective. I have started to doubt. I doubt myself, my abilities, my future. For the first time, I doubt myself.

The reality is that we are, at any given time, about two weeks from being homeless. I know it would never come to that. We have places to go, and family and friends that would help. But dear God has it really come to that? Have we really fallen so far?

I start throwing blame. I blame God. I blame Washington. I blame greed. I blame Precious. I blame myself. The only place it applies is with me. I am the one that is responsible for my life. And now theirs.

I know Precious prays. A lot. I don't see it helping her and it makes me sad. I remember praying. I can't any more. Some where along my road I have lost my faith. I have seen too much. I wonder if that is what's brought me here. A message from God that I've forsaken him. Maybe he just hates me. Maybe he's not listening, or maybe he's just not there.

My life has become filled with self pity, self loathing.I have become much less forgiving of myself. There is so much that is still good in our lives. Why can't I focus on that? My thoughts always seem to drift into how much worse things could be. I don't even want to think about how much worse things could be.

I just need to keep it together. Things will turn around. It's going to be alright. I want to scream it to the universe. It's going to be alright dammit! It has to be alright.

Precious told me that she needs someone to talk to. She can't tell me her darkest fears. But I know. I can see it on her face and hear it in her voice. They're my fears too. Wondering if our best years are behind us. Knowing that every month we are getting farther behind.

I'm not looking for sympathy, or pity, or advice, or help. I just need to scream at the universe. This is where I can do that with out causing a scene or being arrested.

It's funny. When you ask the universe, "How bad can it be?" You almost always find out. When you ask the universe, "How good can it be?" You never get a response. Makes me think that the no response, is the response.

Are You F*ing Kidding...

We found out today that the house we have been renting, has been sold. They were supposed to tell us two months ago, their bad. And yes, they said that.

We haven't even been here a year yet. Like this whole idea just sprung up on them.

They were kind enough to give us until the end of July to move out.

Mighty friggin decent of them.

What Dreams May Come...

It has been said that time, heals all wounds. Well, I have never really believed that. It's more like, each passing day rips the wound open and pours salt into it. Maybe time is the wound itself. Healed or not, the scar remains as a constant reminder.

1997 was the worst year of my recorded history. 2008 is second worst. It was close, but it's still only second. 2009 is shaping up to give 2008 a run for it's position.

For about a month I rambled on about dream jobs to the point that even I was tired of hearing about it. Now five months later, I see things a bit differently. I love what I do. As far as jobs go, it is a dream, but it's not what I dream about.

The universe is full of sick and twisted jokes, that I have missed the punch line for. I guess my dream is one of them. 

The thing I dream about most of all, is being a great dad. I know, I can't believe that after everything, that is what I dream about most. And now, it's my 'dream job' that's keeping me from what I really want.  

I'm now spending 50 to 60 hours a week at the gallery, and I only get to spend about 20 hours a week with my son.  To me, being great, means spending as much time with him as I can. We pay strangers to watch and spend time with him because we work. To give him a better life. To pay them, we have to work more. Working more we spend less time with him. 

So, I spent the last twenty years, working my ass off so I would have more time to spend with my wife and  now, child. Just as I was getting where I was headed, the world collapses around us and I find myself having to basically start over. Working my ass off so I can be where I was twenty years ago.

No matter how long I sit and think about it, I just don't see the humor.

Selfish, Greedy, Asshat...Update

I talked to my friend tonight. Her boss was doing more whining about how sad things were, for him. So to make himself feel better. He bought his wife a brand new Mercedes and himself a brand new Porsche. But he was thinking about giving each of his now, unemployed, former employees, a $50 check to help them out.

My Neighbors...

...are ruining this country.

Stick To The Script...You Hollywood Hacks!

It's 2:20 am. I have a fond memory of sleep. Pretty sure I enjoyed it. Two. More. Days.

So, anywho...I have a gripe. TV shows that get me hooked with decent casting, believable characters, a good story and intelligent writing. Then for some dumbass reason they do something that should never happen.

Have they changed every writer on the show? Have none of them ever watched the show they write for? Are they all on drugs?

Highlander the series. I really like that program and watched it faithfully for six and half years. Then out of the blue they have Duncan kill Richie. Sure they blamed it on some ancient spiritual curse. Bull pucky!

Mad About You. For years I watched that show. It was perfect. Right up until the final episode. They Fugged that up beyond my belief. They went so far off course it wasn't even believable. It just didn't fit with anything they had done up to that point.

I could go on and on. There is list of programs that I truly enjoyed at one point. Then they pissed me off. Maybe I take it a little too seriously. I don't think so, but maybe.

These shows are part of our culture. For better or worse. It's a big part of who we are. The writers of these and all programs owe it to us, the viewing public, to stay consistent to the characters they got us hooked on. Throwing in some plot twist or making a character go against everything they were written to be, is utter crap.

I'm sure it's a ratings thing but it upsets me to the point that I will never watch those shows again. Not ever. Any of them. I wont watch the earlier episodes I enjoyed. I wont watch re-runs. I don't want to hear anything about those shows again. They ruined them for me forever. They're dead to me and it's just not right.

Duncan would have never killed his student and best friend. The whole curse thing was stupid.

Paul and Jamie would have never split up. Especially after having a kid.

Do you know how I know these things for such certainty? BECAUSE IT'S TV! These shows weren't meant to have real life problems and issues. They were make believe. They were great shows that provided a wonderful dose of escape from those same realities they decided to throw into them. The very thing that will keep me from ever watching them again.

I now return to your normally scheduled program...

On The Verge...

...of a serious breakdown.

I want to rant on and on about the joke that is our world of fine art. But I wont.
I want to go on and on about how much I am disliking our situation. But I wont.
I want to go on and on about what I want the art world to be and what I want from it in return. But I wont.

Instead, I'm painting. I'm not writing. I don't how express my feelings and moods in words.

The seascape series is getting great feedback. I'm liking the direction they're taking. They seem to be getting better and better. With each one they become a bit more complex. More moody and emotional. Lately a little bit darker.


I'm tired of seeing artists and publishers demand more and more, while offering less and less.
Quality goes down while prices go up.

It's time to give more...

Holding My Breath...

I just read that Heather Anne has retired. Bye Heather, I'll miss you. Another great site down. Every time I find one I love it goes away. If I give you another painting will you stay?

She seemed to be in a better place. I'm glad. She had started blogging to figure things out and apparently she has.

I started blogging to figure things out. It has been a few weeks short of a year ago that I started this. I know less today than I did then. If anything I'm much more confused. I feel like I have lost sight of what I wanted for this site. It has become one post after another of me griping about my boring days and trivial problems. Who wants to hear that?

In the beginning I wanted to use this site to educate the world about art. The art world has made me question my life's dream. It's making me bitter and angry. I've begun to take it out on everyone around me. I've lost the desire to paint. After twenty plus years of spending every waking hour devoted to art it has left me empty.

The gallery that I always wanted and dreamed about has turned into one nightmare after another. I have started to question every decision I make. Each choice for the gallery seems like the wrong one. Each one drags me further under. I wonder how long I can hold my breath before I implode.

Like I said, boring days and trivial problems.

I have always gone through these funks from time to time. Some how this one feels different. I wonder if I will be able to shake it or if I've finally had enough.

Paris Hilton...Role Model

I am so disgusted to be an American I want to puke. And then move to Canada or Europe or anywhere I can fake an accent and hide my origin.

Someone just asked me if I had heard about Paris. Silly me, I thought, city of light, cultural mecca. No such luck. They meant the heir-head "Paris I'm a worthless human being Hilton".

Once again the justice system of this country has failed us all. Paris has been released after only five days in jail because of an 'unspecified medical condition'. Ya, she's allergic to not getting her own way. She was sick of having to follow the law of the land like regular people.

We should all be very sad and fearful for the future of this country. Day after day we are told that justice is blind, no one get special treatment in the eyes of the law. WRONG!

What we are shown instead, is that justice is not blind but checking us out to see who is the most attractive and has the most money. If you are a celebrity, socialite or just stinking rich, you can get what ever the hell you want regardless of the law. The rest of us have to pay for our actions. Like the poor kid (honor student mind you) in Atlanta that is serving a 10 year mandatory sentence for consensual oral sex. Justice sure saved us all there.

The LA county sheriff should be fired. Is this the kind of lesson we want our kids to learn? All you need is money, a good lawyer, and like to spend as much time as you can in front of cameras with little to no clothes on, and you can get away with anything from drunk driving to murder. Remember OJ? Oh the joys of being a celebrity in the United States.

Those of us not lucky enough to have a grandparent make a fortune that we could inherit, have to tow the line. For we are second class citizens, mere servants to the rich and famous. Our health and well being are of little importance when things like Paris' well being are concerned. Far be it for us to make her pay for her wanton disregard of the laws of this country. Her snubbing her plastic nose at the rest of us who don't have a personal manager, PR person and assistants to blame our mistakes on. The rest of us have to make decisions on our own, using our own brain. The rest of us have to live with the consequences of our actions.

Oh, to be a celebrity in the US where you can be a mindless, racist, with no regard for anyone or anything other than your own greedy personal satisfaction and the rest of us will still worship you no matter how pathetic and unworthy you are.

Don't Rock The Boat...

The art Gods must have heard me and now they're pissed.

The day after my last post the computer at the gallery had a system failure and wont restart.
I have spent an hour on the phone with Apple Care, tried to reload the system disk. Nothing.
They suggested that I take it to the nearest Apple store. Sure it's only 90 bloody miles from here.

Have you ever had a system failure? This sucks. Everything gallery related is on the stupid machine. Inventory, contacts, invoices, bank register, photos, email...EVERYTHING!

We have come to a complete stand still. I miss the days when we kept our records on paper. No need to back up info. We kept a Polaroid camera in case someone wanted a photo. We used snail mail and stamps to send things to clients. Ah the good old days.

The Apple guy asked me if we had the system backed up. Sure we do. I can't get to that either. Something about the back up not being compatible with my computer at home. Great.
I clearly do not know enough about computers.

Run Over By The Past...

Many yeas ago, when I was very young, I had a first wife. Shelly. (not her real name)She was nine years older than I was. It didn't seem like a lot at the time, but as the years past that difference got larger and larger. We spent ten years together. And even though we loved one another, we did not understand one another.

There were a great deal of things that went on, but long story short, she died. Complications from Asthmas. She was 42 yeas old.

She had three sister still living, two older, one younger. They were always a dysfunctional bunch. They would go for years without speaking to one another.

When she died, I thought they should know. I tried for four years to find them. Any of them. With no luck. I wrote to all of the addresses I had. I called all of the phone numbers. I searched the internet and public records. All the things a private detective would have done. I kept a forward on our address with the post office for more than four years, thinking that one of them would write to her eventually. None did.

After four years I stopped looking for them. I had fallen in love again. Married again, and had a child.

It has now been more than seven years Since Shelly passed. I had almost stopped thinking about all of them. I had stopped feeling guilty. I had moved passed the grief.

That is, until today.

When I came to the gallery there was an email waiting for me. From Shelly's younger sister.

She googled me and found our gallery. One of them was finally trying to find her. Just seven years too late.

As I read the email, asking me if I would help her find her sister, all of the emotions came flooding back. The pain, the anger, the guilt.

I had often thought about what I would say to them if I ever had the chance. All of the sudden I had no idea. Should I call her and tell her what had happened? Should I delete the email forget? Just let them wonder? All of the sudden I was angry at them again for not being there. For more than nine years they have had no word about Shelly.

I'm at a loss.


To Be Continued...

Anger As Inspiration...

Most of the last several days I have spent trying to keep my head from exploding. Mainly because we would never get the mess out of our furniture.

The thought of popping someone else's head had also crossed my mind. Then I remembered that I am rarely if ever a violent person. Besides, I'm better than that.

Our lives will be in limbo for the next two or three weeks. It's a difficult thought to grasp, but there is really no way around it if we want to try and salvage anything we have done for the last year and a half.

At that time we meet with the board of directors, lawyers and partners. It will be quite simple really. We either lose everything or we will be reimbursed for the last six months and given the next year to re-coup losses and make things work, along with a change of leadership within the board.

If we lose it all? More lawyers.
If they pull their heads out of their back sides, and honor our agreement, everything will be fine.

The next couple of weeks are going to be very long and stressful.

*****

It was about 4am this morning that my mind slowed down enough to actually think about things.

Until that time I spent drinking and painting. Both in excess.
Anger and hostility can be great motivators if properly channeled. So, with drink in one hand and a paint brush in the other I continued with the "Isolation" series.

"Electric Skies No. 1" 8 x 24 inches

"Jamaica Blue No 1" 16 x 20 inches

"Desperation Point Light House No. 1" 10 x 24 inches

"Dory Day No 1" 8 x 24 inches

"Evening Solitude No.2" 11 x 14 inches

"Evening Solitude No. 1" 11 x 14 inches