15 June 2007

Holding My Breath...

I just read that Heather Anne has retired. Bye Heather, I'll miss you. Another great site down. Every time I find one I love it goes away. If I give you another painting will you stay?

She seemed to be in a better place. I'm glad. She had started blogging to figure things out and apparently she has.

I started blogging to figure things out. It has been a few weeks short of a year ago that I started this. I know less today than I did then. If anything I'm much more confused. I feel like I have lost sight of what I wanted for this site. It has become one post after another of me griping about my boring days and trivial problems. Who wants to hear that?

In the beginning I wanted to use this site to educate the world about art. The art world has made me question my life's dream. It's making me bitter and angry. I've begun to take it out on everyone around me. I've lost the desire to paint. After twenty plus years of spending every waking hour devoted to art it has left me empty.

The gallery that I always wanted and dreamed about has turned into one nightmare after another. I have started to question every decision I make. Each choice for the gallery seems like the wrong one. Each one drags me further under. I wonder how long I can hold my breath before I implode.

Like I said, boring days and trivial problems.

I have always gone through these funks from time to time. Some how this one feels different. I wonder if I will be able to shake it or if I've finally had enough.