21 June 2010

There's A Little Green Man In My Head...

It recently occurred to me that we may never know if things are fixed. Maybe somethings can't really be fixed. They get stuck back together and you just hope for the best. Once broken things are weaker and more vulnerable. When can I relax? Ever? Or do I always need to be proving myself. I mean, more than I try to do normally.

A few months ago, she gave her wedding ring back. Said, "You should put this some place safe. It doesn't feel right to wear it."

So what do I do with it? Keep it? Until when? Am I supposed to give it, or offer it back at some point? Am I to replace it with a new one? Maybe she is supposed to ask for it back. How long should I wait? Should I give it back or say no? Should I stop wearing my ring? Mine still feels right. Should it not? I'm confused.

I'm also alone for the next seven days which isn't helping. Precious and Mr. Man are on their way to the middle of Nowhere Nebraska. They left on Father's Day. I never thought to ask if she intended to come back. Could be why I haven't heard from them. Or it's more likely that there is no service provider for her phone in Nowhere, and she hasn't thought about asking to use some one else's.

Our house is so amazingly quiet without them. I don't like it at all. The dog and cat keep looking at me, all accusatory, like it's my fault they aren't here. None of us can sleep. I hate sleeping alone. Too much bed, not enough naked skin.

Being back in La Jolla has been like stepping back in time, only in an alternate universe. So much is frighteningly the same. Some things have changed completely. I feel like someone has altered our reality and I'm the only one that's noticed. Where's The Doctor when I need him?




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