16 September 2012

Journeys End...

I would never have imagined in a million years.

It was going to be 83 years. That's what we said. well we missed by 70.

There have been some tough times along with all the great ones. But even as difficult as things were, I would have never imagined that someday they would come to an end.

I knew something was up when she stopped wearing her wedding ring about a year ago.
We had some rough moments. We talked about counseling but never did anything about it. We stopped touching, then stopped sleeping together, or even in the same room.

After quite awhile of utter agony, last night I laid my heart and soul out for her. I told her how I feel and that I would never give up on her no matter what. She was the love of my life.

I was told  that wasn't enough. She had our son to think about. Like that wasn't one of my concerns.
She said she wasn't going to change. It is was it is.

This morning while I sat at my desk, she came in and hugged me. Told me what a great guy I am and what a good father I am. Then kissed me on the side of the head.

And it dawned on me, that, it was the same thing she told her first husband, just a few days before she left him. Aside from the parent part.

She had given up on me and us, a long time ago. She's just been going through the motions for Mr. Man's sake. At 9 he's not quite old enough to understand what's happening.

But what's happening is that I have lost my Precious. She's not in  love with me any more.

And as much as I wish I could, I know that you can't make someone love you when they don't. No matter how much I love her, it's not enough.

Now we try to figure out what happens and how we can keep from screwing up our kids head.

I will be completely and utterly lost with out my best friend, and I will die with out my son.

How do I move on from this?




3 comments:

Dave2 said...

The only way you can... one day at a time.

Kelly said...

I'm so sorry, Chad. That should never happen, and I wish it hadn't happened to you.

eclectic said...

One day at a time sounds like excellent advice. My heart is sad for you. Wishing you strength, peace and contentment in the days ahead.