19 August 2008

Sweet Home California...

It always amazes me how fast two weeks can go. The days slip away. How easy it is to just disappear. I'd forgotten. I made good time from north to south. Not my best but still under 24 hours. It seemed to be prettier this time. The roads were better. Traffic lighter. Lights greener.

Except for here of course. The worst stretch of road I have ever been on, any where. 7 MPH. 24/7/365.

Most of the drive looked like this.

I arrived home at about 9pm. Precious was at work. Mr. Man home with a friend of ours. The look on Mr. Man's face when I walked through his door, was all pleasure. I had gone almost two months with out seeing him. Way too long. By about two and half months.

The look on Precious' face was more of relief. Being a single parent is very difficult. I'm sure I would not have done so well.

For the first few days I was lost in them. How could I have stayed away for so long? Never again.

I timed it for her days off. We had the first two days all together. It's already a blur in my mind.
Maybe it's just my mind that's blurry.

Thoughts of the world or the hell in Oregon that is my current reality, were pushed far away. Out of sight out of mind. Sadly, I know from experience, that hiding only compounds the problems.

I still have a business to deal with. Bills to pay. Tempers to sooth. I've said it before and I'm going to say it again until you...um...I, remember. Never do business with family or friends. It will not end well.

This, for the most part is what I was hiding from. Maybe if I ignore it, it will go away. A nice thought, but never going to work. It's come down to damage control. I'm not going to make it out cleanly. Where do I draw the line? The art world is always the same BS. No matter where you put it or who's involved. After all this time, I still don't get it. Do I really want to continue to do this?

Everyday that I've been home, Mr. Man has told me that he is happy that I'm home. That he missed me. That he never wants me to leave him again. He barely lets me out of his sight. I've managed to traumatize the poor child and he's only four.

I do have to go back to Oregon for about a week. Several times he and I have talked about me going back. Not for as long as the first time, but I still have to. He says he understands, and in the same breath will say he never wants to be with out me.

At one point I actually thought of bringing him back with me, but it wouldn't be a good time for any one. I have too much work to get done and a very short amount of time to do it.

When I close my eyes, things can be so simple. They should be. They can be. They seldom are.


delmer said...

I'm glad you made it safely.

It's always hard to be away from our children. The weeks mine are with the ex isn't so bad -- maybe it's because I know they're but two miles away ... maybe it's because I often see them midweek.

Two of mine spent a week with my parents this summer. I'm not even sure it was one of my weeks -- I had them three in a row and this may have been part of the middle week. In any case the distance seemed to make my missing them more pronounced.

Anonymous said...

Don't beat yourself up about traumatising Mr Man, William. I was brought up as a military brat and Dad was often away or working odd shifts so we would go weeks and months without seeing him. It didn't cause us any long term damage, Mum was always there and we knew how things were. He will be fine, you will all be fine. You have your priorities all straight and that's what matters :o)

Sizzle said...

It's nice to be missed even if it does tug at the heart strings. I hope you can be with them all the time very soon.

Christine said...

Ah, lessons learned. Now you just have to keep reminding yourself. Never again, with the family/friends business partners.