16 October 2009

The Road To Hell...

...they say, is paved with good intentions.

Does that necessarily mean that all good intentions are bad?

There are many things that I have intended. A few went just as planned. While the rest, not so much.

Many of my intentions have become epic failures. Did I learn from them? Sure. Did I learn enough that I wont fail again? No.

It's said that we learn more from failure than success. So what am I learning?

I had intended to be a painter. I had intended to be living in Europe. I had intended for our business to flourish. I had intended to be a stay at home parent and not have to pay someone else to raise our child while we were slaves to the man. I had intended to live my life much differently than I have.

Is it just me or has it gotten much much warmer?

Don't get me wrong, I'm pleased with my life for the most part. It's just different than I had dreamed. I guess most dreams are quite different than the reality that follows. We spend our time working and planning and following those dreams and one day you find out that "our dreams" are not ours, they're mine.

It's still sinking in. Another epic failure on my part. Another intention gone wrong. I have been looking forward to something I thought we shared, only to find out that we don't. It's deflating.

I feel like I have failed them in the worst way. How did I miss that? My single mindedness has let them down. My focus was misguided. My judgment skewed.

Half of you lives in a fantasy world and dreams as big as possible, while the other half is just trying to get through each day without being crushed by the pressure of modern slavery.

How do those halves reconcile with one another? How do you compromise with out giving up who you are or what you want? What does it take to even understand the other half without seeming selfish? At what point do our dreams need to be altered or just given up?

1 comment:

Christine said...

I read a Winston Churchill quote the other day---"If you're going through hell, keep going."

So, you know, it's your road, and you're walking it, and that's about all you can do. But I think those of us with at least part of us pushing for a better world that is hard to see are in better shape. Growing and pain go together and they are both good.

And as I always feel the need to tell you, your art on my wall gives me courage and comfort. Thanks for doing what you do. It matters.