22 December 2009

Unaware Or Don't Care...

I try to be aware of the things I say to others, and the impact those words have. Especially when I'm saying things that might not be what they want to hear.

But what do you do when someone says things, and they seem to have no idea of what they've done.

They have broken your heart and made you question everything that you thought you knew about them, or about yourself. Then a day later everything is, as it was before. Or somewhat at least.

You think to yourself: Maybe they don't realize what they said or the impact it had. Or worse, they do realize what they've done and they don't care.

I've been trying to process everything, not necessarily by choice. I can't get it out of my head. Thinking about what was said and how it was meant. Thinking about the week that has followed and how those actions feed the things that were said in the years before. Confirming them in a way I had not seen before. Or had seen but been denying until confronted.

The things from the past make more sense in a way, and at the same time they have become more cruel than I had previously thought. I have all new doubts in my mind. All new fears.

I've never liked or been good at confrontation but I'm not sure I can let this go or stick it in the vault and try to forget. Somethings are too big to lock away.

Confrontation could and probably will make things worse, but if they're as bad as they seem they can't really get worse. Maybe not knowing for sure is worse than clearing the air.

I guess it is possible that I have misunderstood and am way off base. I don't think so, but I have to keep it as at least one of the possibilities because at this point it's the only positive, and I need at least one positive in this scenario.

Anyway I look at it, I'm confused.

3 comments:

Hilly said...

I've been there time and time again, constantly wondering if I am overreacting or if someone is blatantly unaware of their hurtful nature.

I usually say something though because if I don't, resentment bubbles and boils until things get out of control and I snap for no reason.

Christine said...

Yeah, I used to give a lot more of a pass on that sort of thing. Then one day I realized, that one particular person is COMPLETELY aware of what they are saying and its impact on me. and I realized I had been manipulated all to fuck and back.

And that is when it got interesting...

eclectic said...

I'm a fan of speaking, since most people for whatever reason seem completely unable to read my mind, and oddly enough, I'm not very good at reading theirs either. Whatever you decide, I hope you find some peace on the issue soon.