24 January 2010

The North Wind...

As does happen in my life, when the North wind rolls through I feel a desire to follow. Gypsy blood runs deep within my veins.

But lately the wind has been swirling. Coming from several directions at once. Not knowing which way to go I have stayed in place. My heart confused and restless. Eager to move and follow my wanderlust that guides me.

I fear I have become lost in my confusion. I labor over, and doubt my decisions that once were instinctual. I second guess and questions my actions. Surrounded by a sea of humanity, I'm alone.

A few months ago I would have told you that I had most everything I ever wanted from life. Now I wonder if I haven't lost them. Or worse, thrown them away with my foolishness and fantasies. I fear that I may have forgotten which is real and which is imagined.

I waited and wanted for so long. Imagining what might be. What could be. It was all I had hoped and yet less. Something changed, as it always does. As I knew and feared it would. How, I'm not entirely sure. Only time will tell.

The wind blew and mussed our hair. In all my thinking and dreaming, the reality is never the same. It's wonderful and heart breaking, in most ways breath taking. It clouds and tears your eyes to impair you vision and the world goes fuzzy for a time.

The wind blew, and for now, I'm glad. It always brings something unexpected. For better or worse, it is what makes hearts race and passions burn or fade.

I shall stand and face the wind, eyes tearing and blurry, open to the world ahead of me.


Hilly said...

I've got Gypsy blood myself so yeah, I get this.

Pumpkin said...

Wow! What a beautiful post. Really just moving to read.