I've been trying to re-programme my life, trying to find a better way. A better way to live my life, a better way to think and get things done. Re-programming is difficult.
Most people will tell you that they welcome change. That they want change in their lives or in the world. However, when it comes right down to it, they really fight tooth and nail against change of any kind.
Change is frightening. You have to welcome the unknown. You have to take chances. You have to gamble on yourself. You have to be honest and open with yourself in order to change in any way.
Therein lies the difficulty in really changing anything. People don't want to look at themselves honestly or openly. It's easier to live in our perceived reality and lie to ourselves that everything is either, going well or it's about to get better.
If things were going well, they wouldn't need to think or talk about changing. If you're unwilling to be honest and open, it's not going to get better. Ever. You can't fix a problem with the same thinking that caused it.
I wonder how long it will take me to really implement change in my life. I wonder what I'm not being honest about with myself. I try not to complain about my life. I'm the one that brought me to this place. It has been my doing. I worked hard to get where I am, where ever that may be.
What I know is that everything is not alright. It's not horrible, but it can be a great deal better. What that better may be will be different for everyone. I know that it wont change unless I sacrifice a few things. A few beliefs, a few habits, the time it takes to journey down another path. An untraveled path. The herd will wander aimlessly, all believing that they must being doing the right thing because everyone is doing it. That in itself, is enough for me to break away from the herd. No matter what the herd says about my choice of path, I know my life will only improve by doing my own thing. Making my own decisions. And following my own path. Even if there is no clear path to follow.
My life is up to me. The past five years have taught me many things. Brought many pains and even more joys. No matter what becomes of Mad William, we look forward to the next five years and the path less traveled.