14 January 2016

If Only You Loved Me...

I try to understand. I try to see the situation for your point of view. I try to listen to myself explain things in my head. I try to hear you when you tell me that you don't love me. that you haven't loved me. My memories of us were happy. My journal tells a different story, of sadness and regret. I wonder who wrote these things. I can't believe that you said such mean and hurtful words toward me. I can't understand how you could push me away when all I ever wanted to do was worship you. I called you Precious. I thought you were my one true love. You are constantly in my thoughts. Even still, as I hurt more than I have ever hurt, I still love you. With a word I would run to your arms and hold you like there were no tomorrow. Everything that has happened forgotten in an instant...if only you loved me. How could you not love me when I love you with everything I have? How could that not be enough for you? What more can I  offer? I need someone to hold, to share my life, to love even if it's not completely the way I love you, I need to have someone to hold. To be held. How could you push me away? How could have pushed me away when I loved you? What was that supposed to accomplish? I need someone, anyone if I can't have he one I want but I need someone. You knew this and you pushed me away all the same. Is this what you wanted all along? You were trying to push me away to the point I couldn't or wouldn't come back? Did you want me to be the one to leave? How could I leave someone I love so deeply? How can you not see how much I care for you? I would try or do anything for you. Am I immature or weak minded? Is there something wrong with me that I can't let go? Why can't I be as cold and unloving toward you, as you are toward me? None of it matters to me. I would hug you and love you and never let you go...if only you loved me. We could be happy again. We could conquer the world. We could have the greatest life together...if only you loved me.

No comments: