I have a really bad habit of letting my idealized perception of certain things, impair my judgment to the point that the reality, is disappointing and at times heart breaking.
From the time I started my study of art, one of the things I idealized more than almost any other, was Florence Italy. The birth place of the Renaissance. A period that changed and enlightened humanity. Some of the greatest works of art that have ever been created by man were made in Florence.
I always thought of Florence to be this same place of enlightenment. I thought everything would be perfect and beautiful.
It wasn't. It was a modern city, with ugly buildings, pollution, graffiti and litter. Everywhere you looked were cheap Chinese made Davids on key chains. Venus' on tee shirts, Tourists defacing walls and making a mockery of everything I had dreamed about. It still nearly brings tears to my eyes when I think about it.
Maybe it's the romantic in me. Maybe I spend too much time dreaming. Maybe I'm just naive. Florence, if taken for what it is, is still a fabulous city with treasures around every corner. But in my mind it will always be tarnished. I feel like humanity has lost something special and replaced it with a tourist attraction.
I will most likely never go back because the city can never meet the expectations that I see in my mind. I would rather think of her as I do, than what she has become.
As I get older I have added more and more places to the list of which I can never return. I can't seem to stop idealizing certain things. And inevitably I keep getting disappointed by the reality that things have become.
Don't get me wrong. There have been many places that I loved more in reality than there are disappointments. It's just that I find myself doing the same thing in everyday life. I build things up in my head to where the reality will never be able to compete.
I'm not sure I will ever be able to stop living in my fantasy world. I've been here too long. What I need to learn, is how to find a happy medium. Allow myself to see the reality along with the fantasy.