17 August 2007

Leave Of My Senses...

Life is kicking my butt. I'm behind at absolutely everything. Gallery work, painting, framing, school, homework, website updates, reading... I can't keep up with it all. On top of all of that, I'm exhausted. No matter what I do I can't get enough rest. I wake up tired.

For the last few weeks I've been thinking about our future. In my life up to this point I had never really given my future much thought. I always seemed to know what I was going to do or where I was headed. Never a doubt or a worry.

For the life of me I can't see where we're headed. I think about us moving. Opening another gallery some where else. Working for someone else again. I just can't see it.

I have been looking around at other places. Talking to people about where they live, what they do and why they like it.

Honestly, none of it sounds appealing. I don't really want to move. I like our house. The quiet seclusion. Not very keen on the city. I miss larger places. The culture and convenience that goes with them. I want it all but only the bits I want.

Working just doesn't appeal to me. I want to stay home with Mr. Man and paint. Even though being at home with Mr. Man doesn't really leave me time to paint.

I'm such a mess right now. Totally irrational.

This morning Mr. Man was walking down the drive way, turned and waved at me saying, "Bye Daddy." All of the sudden it broke my heart. Like he was leaving home forever. I was crushed. We were just going to play in the woods.

That's not normal behavior. Even for me. I need a nap.


Neil said...

We all get into these moods at times. Sometimes, I think it is important to have them in order to refocus on what you really want in life. I'm pretty much in a similar mood lately, so drop me an email!

Stacey said...

I'm sorry. I know the feeling. You've had a LOT of changes in the last couple of years, it's a good reason to be tired.

Lewis said...

You sound just like me and my summer. I've been a mess, very unlike me. Usually the stable, rational, dependable one. I don't know what happened. Let's work on getting ourselves back to a consistent, balanced, peaceful place and level.