I'm arguing with myself about what I need to accomplish this coming summer. As my seven readers know, Precious and Mr. Man will be moving to San Diego in a mere 13 days. I will not be going with them. I will be staying in the northwest for three to six months trying to salvage what I can from our sinking ship we call an art gallery.
This will be the first time we have been apart. I have been trying to prepare myself for what awaits me. Trying to dislodge the the horror in my mind of things that might happen. Why do our minds go to these terrible places?
Those thoughts I can shake. The ones that stick in my mind are the things I will miss. What's funny is that, it's things I would not have thought about years ago. The parent in me. As much as I love Precious, and as much as I will miss her being with me, she isn't going to be a different person when I finally join them. She will still be the person she was. Maybe a little bit tanner, But the same.
Mr Man. on the other hand, changes everyday. Everyday he learns new words and how to use them. His attitude grows and changes. His body will grow and change. He will learn to do things from other people. Sure they're my family, but they're not me.
Almost every morning when he wakes, he calls out for Daddy. I love that. My favorite thing is our triple kiss. Cheek, Cheek, Lips. What if he gets over that while I'm gone? There are dozens of things like this that I fear he may out grow or get over while I'm here, away from them. Five months is a life time to a four year old. What else am I going to miss? What am I going to miss it for?
Will it be possible for me to make enough over the summer to make up for the things I'm giving up? Is five months away from my family worth any amount that I may make? I can't buy those things back.
When I think about my earliest memories, I can't remember very much before four years. From four to five is when things started to stick. Will Mr. Man's first lasting memories of me, be the summer we spent apart?