25 July 2006

Irrational Blubbering...

I am not sure exactly when it happened but I am sure it had something to do with becoming a father. I have become irrationally emotional. I have never considered myself a typical male. I grew up a rough and tumble boy, playing sports, hunting, fishing etc. Although I do have a sensitive side, probably from being artist. Although I like to think that I am an evolved human being and am capable of seeing things in a different light if you will.(I will rant about this topic in length at another time)

Anywho...I found myself on the verge of tears today because Mr. Man went to pre-school for the first time. The part that got to me was the fact that he adjusted instantly. He walked in, said hello, looked around the room and just went to play. I sat there for a while for me to adjust. Then said goodbye, he waved, said bye Daddy. I got the secret hand shake and he went back to his business. No biggy.

As I drove back to the gallery I was overwhelmed with emotion. He didn't need me, he doesn't love me, what have I done wrong, I could die today and he wouldn't notice... Blubber, blubber.

All of which is TOTALLY irrational! I know this. None of these things are true. Precious and I are raising a healthy adventurous boy who already loves new things the way we do. Everything new is a chance to learn and grow, it's a good thing.

This is partially why I started the daily photo of Mr. Man. Children grow so fast. The last two years have been a blur. In the blink of an eye he will be an adult with a life of his own and he will be gone. Even writing this makes me want to cry.
You see what I mean, Irrationally emotional. He is 2 and I am already sad that he will leave home someday.

Sob sob, blubber blubber........I am told that it is, Unconditional Love. An unexplainable, supernatural, indestructible bond between parent and child that can turn a grown man into a blubbering fool, with no more than a easy transition into daycare. Blubber.....

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