23 May 2007
How often do people disappear?
Have you noticed it? One day they're there, the next day they're gone. Sometimes I wonder if they were really there to begin with. I don't have the best memory in the world. Did I imagine these people?
Many times it has been my fault. I have a problem letting people get close to me. I move more often than most. It can be hard to get to know someone anyway. Always being the new kid make you build walls. It is easier that way. When I leave, I usually don't even have to say goodbye, so I don't. One day I"m just gone.
Lately I have been thinking about the others like me. Where did they go? Do they think about me and wonder?
Over the years I have met some wonderful people the I will never forget. I wish at times that I had tried to keep in touch with them. I didn't. I didn't try. One day I was just gone.
I know I'm not the only one like me. I have know many others who simply disappeared one day. Without a word. Without a trace. Life is so short and so fast most of the time. I have learned to let go more easily than most. Is it society that has made people...disposable? For lack of a better word.
Blogging has made me think about it much more than I used to. I notice it more now. A person that you meet on your site will leave comments or emails. You respond. It's like you know one another. Then one day the emails and the comments stop.
If they are a blogger themselves you can always check on them. Visit their site. Sometimes the site is gone. I wonder what happened to them. Why they stopped blogging. When I moved, I packed my things and physically left the place I was. In blogging it doesn't matter where you are. Did they not like it? Was it one of us that drove them away? Was it something we said?
Maybe they took it personally.
I used to take it personally when someone would disappear. People I thought were my friends, but I guess were just acquaintances. Sometimes I think about trying to find a few of them. This has been heavy on my mind since Shelly's sister contacted me. Shelly was like me. One day she was gone and no one knew why or where or what happened.
Of all of the people I have know that disappeared on me. I wonder if any of them died. There are 15 of you that I know have died. Is that why the others are gone, or did they just go somewhere else to start over? How many of them think I died?
With blogging it is never really that personal. It's not like I actually know any of you. I have met a few of you, once. Several of you that used to visit don't any more. Your gone from my blog but I know you're still out there. I can see you. Was it me? No, really?
A few of you stopped blogging. Just gone one day. You are the ones I wonder about the most.
There are about two dozen people I have know in real life that I think about on a regular basis. Almost daily. I knew some of them for years. Some were very close for the time we were together. I moved, they moved, and it's over. Gone.
With six billion people on the planet, it is things like this that make me feel very alone. At any minute one or all of you could be gone. So could I.
Will I ever stop thinking about them? I most likely wont run into them on the street one day. Is it worth digging through the past to find them? Do I need that closure? Probably not, but a few of you left a lasting impression on my heart, mind and soul. It is you in part that has inspired my latest series of works. They are all about "Isolation". Each lonely beach is one of you. One of us. Me.